Moments in this Lifetime

This is actually a followup to the previous post in which I am explaining how a video brought back all my memories of a time when I was in the person of Alexander the Great.  I did mention in the previous post about the lack of joy in Alexander's life so that I thought I should write about this lifetime's experiences which have given me great happiness.

My first great happiness is probably in grade school whenever I fell in and out of love with a variety of boyfriends.  Love is always the same in its feeling within a person.  It gives one the greatest happiness and joy no matter whether it is requited or not.  It is the act of falling in love and loving to be in love that impresses me more than anything else does.  It is a heady feeling, a lightness of spirit, a joy that causes one to tingle when one spies the beloved one, that makes one have butterflies in the stomach, fearing that one will say something stupid, and all the other crazy things that infatuation, being in love does to one.  One feels like doing hand springs, dancing, twirling round and round, and just drifting into a dream fantasy about the loved one.  It is a form of craziness that nearly every child experiences at one time or the other, and I feel sorry for those who say that they never have known it.

I had beautiful baby teeth, but my permanent teeth were big and parted in the center, so that I developed a deep complex about my appearance during my adolescent years. I did not see myself as others saw me, but I saw only my two front teeth.  I disliked them.  I became shy at last. I had always been bold, forward, and aggressive, but between my two front teeth and my changing into womanhood with a period, I withdrew instead of staying outgoing, warm, and friendly.  I actually became a bit shy and reserved.  Although when working at the drug store, I was still as open, honest, and friendly as I had ever been as a child.  I always forgot myself so that I did just naturally open to customers. I am a people lover, and especially love to sell products to them.

But I never lacked for having a boyfriend to dream about, but never to really have.  In my younger years, I had been able to have many boyfriends who liked me and with whom I played holding hands and walking each other home from school.  I was a secure little girl in those days, but alas and alack, adolescent poses new and different problems.

So I did not know true love until I reached 20 where finally I fell in love, knew the love of a man, and ended brokenhearted because we were so far apart in too many ways to ever marry one another.  But that love is one I never forget, always hold dear, and still thank in so many ways now that I have lived long enough to know that sweet love is always the BEST!    So that is an emotion that I can never forget!  I still remember moments from that time in my life when the Music Man was the cause for hearing the tune Til There Was You!  So True for me...Love was all around, but I never knew it at all, until there was YOU!

I had other loves after that first best love, but none that will ever be as memorable no matter what.  I always found some man in my life to love for a short time, and nearly would marry, but better sense, fear, or just a guardian angel on hand to prevent it, who knows, I did not marry any of them.  But for a time I fancied myself in love again, as love seems easy to know with certain kinds of men,  and managed to escape the marriage inevitably that follows.  Why is that ?  Me? Them? Or just the realization that marriage is too long a time period to be locked in with any  one person.  I always thought that if this one did not work out, it was not meant to be.  After now realizing that each may be related to past lifetimes, I view the involvement at an entirely different level than I had when ensnared in the romance of each person.

Usually, it is my education, or intelligence that seems to be the reason or cause that I did not finally tie the knot. I was told by one that while I am educated and intelligent, I did not lord it over him, but the very fact that he mentioned it told me that it had mattered to him.  Men often use that as the excuse to be through with a woman, or the very cause to like that woman.  It varies from man to man and woman to woman. In my case, it did not matter that much to me.  Most relationships are based upon sex more than intelligence as it turns out.  If he found me attractive romantically and sexually, he stayed with me. It was not my mind that he was attracted to or my cooking talents.  Actually, today, cooking might be a good cause to take me as a wife, but not when I was young. I was pretty dismal at both cooking and housekeeping.

So except for a spiritual experience in which I was seeking my soul mate, and managed to find Heaven in Sacramento when I went to see Governor Brown in person, I have only those in love experiences as great highs in my life.  But finding perfect love is the greatest joy I have ever enjoyed and probably will ever know. I always give Jerry Brown credit for his role in the moment  I had Heavenly love envelope me totally while watching him at a special assembly.  I still recall and relish that moment most of all. Again, younger than springtime, I was in love, a love like no other.  I really was in st. Paul's Perfect Love definition of which he tells.  NO jealousy, no fear, no doubt, Perfect Heaven! Love is all around for certain!  I still love that vibration of love better than any other I have experienced.

I have achieved hope's desires, and known satisfaction through winning a prize, being accepted in a social circle, achieving scholastic honors, being recognized by my colleagues for works done, and have had satisfaction in most of those events.  But thrills are nothing in comparison to a young prince riding a horse down a street, waving his chapeau to the crowd, inhaling a great intake of air when his horse rises into the air, and then feeling the joy rush to his head as he realizes he is loved and admired by his subjects.  I always remember that moment in Louis XIV who truly loved and relished his role as a young prince for the nation of France.  I doubt that anything anywhere will ever surpass that, as the motto means No equal anywhere.  Nothing will ever diminish that joy in the heart of that young prince of Navarre and France.

So for those reasons, I decided to look back at the great moments in my life which could be relived in some future time to know who I am now and why it is that maybe I am to be reborn again and again if that is what all these spiritual journeys prove.  I do know my own life in each lifetime, and it is a lesson learned to have to realize the difference between fame and unknown.  Each has its own rewards and punishments.  My mother once asked me, had you ever been a woman in a past life?  Well, I have not dredge that person up if it is so, but rather offhandedly I say why of course.  I have no memory of any former lifetime where I have actually learned that I had been. My earliest memory is of being a hunter in the day of cromagnon man, and I recall that experience as the most fearful experience that I had had.  Another life also revealed and exposed fear to me, and in both cases, the cause of fear is animals.  In cromagnon man, it was of a saber toothed tiger in which I can see see those huge teeth, and then of a boar rushing through the dense forest area.  In the person of Genghis Khan, I did experience fear when a wall of war elephants came charging at me and my army.  That was seriously frightful.  There is nothing more frightening than wild elephants with intent to kill.  So I have known many emotions in each of these men of the past.  No, no woman has come up to me despite my being a woman now.  I contemplate what all this means.

Italian Documentary on Alexander

I watched an Italian documentary video featuring Alexander the Great tonight.  Since it was in Italian, I simply watched the photography without understanding any but a few words in Italian.  I did like the actor who portrayed Alexander as he was credible.  The child Alexander was not really very credible but it did not matter.  It was interesting because some scenes immediately took me back into my recollections of the life of Alexander that I had learned while in a self hypnotic trance session.

I recalled many scenes which are not part of the video but which I had undergone, and as I was explaining to myself why it was that there had been little joy in any of that travail in 4 BC it dawned on me what has happened in the course of passing centuries going from one to another, learning which one's do bring joy and happiness, which bring only pain and anguish, etc. to realize how lucky I am to be in this century living the lifestyle that we are so fortunate to enjoy.  So in the end, it was a good experience to see the film and reflect back upon all the events that I had relived in the person of Alexander.

In the end, I decided that I love myself very much after all, a nice thing to conclude after thinking this through.  So for now, I will go to bed, and get a good night's sleep.

I did get a good night's sleep and woke from a very strange dream about a woman who was a musician, a maestro.  That is all I can recall for now but it made me wonder at her....

After thinking about all my experiences years ago when I lived with my parents on Via del Palacio, I realized how important it has been for me to learn of these former experiences that I encountered while trying to learn who am I in previous times.  I have a deeper appreciation of the inner life now than even when I woke up from my trances to realize and remember all that I had experienced then.  I admit at first I was a bit over taken by them since I knew so little about any of them.  It is a very difficult thing to realize that one has truly lived in a different time period under a different name and role in life than the one that one is in at present in this waking world.  It does take a long time to fully understand all of this, as it is a relatively little known and little discussed aspect of our lives.

Today while showering I realized how important it is to me to know that all the circumstances of the present life actually led up to this kind of self discovery.  I admit that people who are too wrapped in themselves are often annoying and of little use to anyone else in society.  In truth, the social order is such that whether we realize it or not, we interact with others to benefit not only ourselves but all of society as a whole.  Any one person is but a single cog in the entire framework of society, even the disabled and non functioning provide employment and opportunity for the able and fully functioning when we work to take care of one another.  So society functions in strange ways with one another.

The problem with my self discovery is that the people who I have encountered in my soul searching are men of significant importance to the world at large so that it appears grandiose and delusional for anyone anywhere to ever assume that they could have been that person in the past life.  I always struggled with this problem since I wan not that overwhelmed by their historical importance, having been a part of the life in which they had lived to know them that well.  Only time has made me see the truth of each of them to their times and to today's times.

At this point in time,  I can make a case for each one of them and their relevance to today, but it took me a long time to learn and know them both from a historical point as well as from the upclose and personal way in which I actually relived aspects of their lives.  So the documentary last night made me realize one thing about Alexander that had always puzzled me until I realized why and it made me so happy to realize that it is all behind me, lives in the past, but is contained in my memory wherever that may be, brain or solar plexus, and that today I lead and live an entirely different kind of lifestyle.

I had never taken any pleasure or joy in Alexander except for a few fleeting moments.  I realized finally why.  I had had joy in the reliving of Louis XIV, probably more joy and pleasure than in any other lifetime, including this one, (except for a few rare moments in this that are especially  beautiful) but I had never felt happiness or pleasure in reliving Alexander.  His life is not one of great ecstasy or beauty, but one of travail, hard work, constant movement, and one battle after another.  One cannot find joy or pleasure in riding horseback at breakneck speeds, at marching with an army, and of constantly climbing walls, dragging war weapons, and managing and manipulating an army of men who have to be fed, clothed, and trained repeatedly over and over again. I had one too many mountain climbs, river crossings, and wounded men to tend to, dead men to bury, and cities to build to fully enjoy any of it.  No wonder that I found little joy there.  To realize that most of my incarnated lives is that of a warrior is a very wearisome recognition....no wonder I said no more when confronted with the aspect of Genghis Khan too.  I said no more at this time, and I have not delved into it.

So for that reason alone, I am grateful for this lifetime to learn this and to appreciate my place in the scheme of life at the moment.  I deserved to rest in peace for some time, and that is how this lifetime has been....
a nice long restful peaceful time with only mountain climbing to unnerve me again!

Do you suppose that I should be so bold to share this except in this blog?  Not on your life!  It will stay here until I decide otherwise.  At this point, I am a bit too candid probably for anyone to read and understand.  However, I have not ever forgotten that were it not for Taylor Caldwell and Jess Stearn I would not be presently aware of myself even.  But because of the fact that I have learned how people who have become attached to famous personalities react , I have learned to keep my own counsel even in posts such as these.

Saturday, April 16, 2016

I am rethinking this now that I have announced that I will not share it.  I do not intend to share it but I do see that I have not really decided whether these soul's journeys are evidence of reincarnation or of having a key to the spiritual world where I can unlock some soul's lives to  relive.  Relive sounds as though only I could do such a thing, and I am a bit protective about it all for that reason.  There is no doubt in my mind that I did return to a soul's place where I entered the soul body of that person and actually relived moments in that entity's life time.  I do believe that an all knowing God can do just that with each one of us,  knowing moments apparently that are of value to know.  I do not attempt to explain this in any way except to say that all material objects are seen as in the moment of the imprint of the soul to make this such that I can recall it or live it through that given entity.  It was clothing and landmarks that give identity to each person.  In Alexander's case, I actually saw so many of his costumes, or armor, what ever it is that you want to call a uniform, a cuirass, or a helmet, but those are the things that helped to identify him as well as the events that I found myself in, such as the speech before the battle of Issus.  I did not know it was Issus until I found a reference to it in a book by Peter Green, but his description matched my memory of looking down from a mountain top to the valley below.

I suspect that it is reincarnation of my soul.  I accept it that way since my original preface or question and been who am I?  So I finally found myself.  But being Alexander the Great, Louis XIV, Genghis Khan, and George Washington is a really tough dose for anyone to swallow to have been any one of them, much less all four, and a few more that I deliberately do not mention.  One has led me to believe that I landed in a place of all souls, and could be an entity able to slip into each one's identity so that makes it even more interesting to me.  god is All.  True God lives in each and every one of us, but just as a river has tributaries, a tree has many branches, a single potato plant has many spuds, on and on, there are many possible reasons as to why this happened to me, and that I am a part of all, just as we each are in our own individual way.  I daresay that I do not relish the idea of anyone being able to assume my physical body today to know how I feel inside and out, but that that privilege is only permitted for me alone to know, no matter how much like others who have the same emotions, fears, hopes,dreams, ambitions, and private secret places within.

So if my soul is each one of these warriors I can and do accept it, and if I am only a special person who can slip in and out of other men's lives, then I honestly must admit that I will try to preserve their right to privacy by not giving away too many inner secrets that I have uncovered. I did speak out about it much too soon, and was a bit too open and honest in my explanations.  Alexander is a man who loved women, and I can testify to that...I do not think that I need go any further.  I have received enough inordinate protests form people who would like to think otherwise. That is their problem. I know better than to give them any satisfaction about that.

George Washington is the sweetest man imaginable,  Nobody can ever know how deep his love for this country really had been except through eye witnesses who testified to it,and to my recollection of it. I came to really love and respect George more than anyone can know, and I, in fact, think that most Americans take this great nation's history too much for granted.  It is a nation whereby responsible citizens can decided laws for themselves, without the father king administering to them. We forget too often at what cost it is that this was given to this century's beneficiaries.

Catching Cold in the Middle of a Heat Wave

One night this past week, it was not hot.  In fact, it turned chilly, and for some asinine reason,  I developed a sore throat.  A sore throat is always the first sign of a chest cold.  It has since gone to my lungs so now I am hacking as well as nursing the sore throat.

I finally went to Winco last night to get some spray for my throat, lozenges, and listerine.  I have been up three nights in a row hour after hour struggling with this problem.  Last night, I remembered to put a double pillow on to life my head and my chest to allow drainage. I did sleep better. A trick I learned at Monticello about Tom Jefferson from a Mrs. Sully.  I have often had to remember that to help get well when I have chest colds, and a lot of mucous draining from my sinuses.  It does help.  So a trip to Monticello was worth that much.  Jefferson supposedly slept all night sitting up in bed.

Very uncomfortable to say the least but it is important to know.