This is actually a followup to the previous post in which I am explaining how a video brought back all my memories of a time when I was in the person of Alexander the Great. I did mention in the previous post about the lack of joy in Alexander's life so that I thought I should write about this lifetime's experiences which have given me great happiness.
My first great happiness is probably in grade school whenever I fell in and out of love with a variety of boyfriends. Love is always the same in its feeling within a person. It gives one the greatest happiness and joy no matter whether it is requited or not. It is the act of falling in love and loving to be in love that impresses me more than anything else does. It is a heady feeling, a lightness of spirit, a joy that causes one to tingle when one spies the beloved one, that makes one have butterflies in the stomach, fearing that one will say something stupid, and all the other crazy things that infatuation, being in love does to one. One feels like doing hand springs, dancing, twirling round and round, and just drifting into a dream fantasy about the loved one. It is a form of craziness that nearly every child experiences at one time or the other, and I feel sorry for those who say that they never have known it.
I had beautiful baby teeth, but my permanent teeth were big and parted in the center, so that I developed a deep complex about my appearance during my adolescent years. I did not see myself as others saw me, but I saw only my two front teeth. I disliked them. I became shy at last. I had always been bold, forward, and aggressive, but between my two front teeth and my changing into womanhood with a period, I withdrew instead of staying outgoing, warm, and friendly. I actually became a bit shy and reserved. Although when working at the drug store, I was still as open, honest, and friendly as I had ever been as a child. I always forgot myself so that I did just naturally open to customers. I am a people lover, and especially love to sell products to them.
But I never lacked for having a boyfriend to dream about, but never to really have. In my younger years, I had been able to have many boyfriends who liked me and with whom I played holding hands and walking each other home from school. I was a secure little girl in those days, but alas and alack, adolescent poses new and different problems.
So I did not know true love until I reached 20 where finally I fell in love, knew the love of a man, and ended brokenhearted because we were so far apart in too many ways to ever marry one another. But that love is one I never forget, always hold dear, and still thank in so many ways now that I have lived long enough to know that sweet love is always the BEST! So that is an emotion that I can never forget! I still remember moments from that time in my life when the Music Man was the cause for hearing the tune Til There Was You! So True for me...Love was all around, but I never knew it at all, until there was YOU!
I had other loves after that first best love, but none that will ever be as memorable no matter what. I always found some man in my life to love for a short time, and nearly would marry, but better sense, fear, or just a guardian angel on hand to prevent it, who knows, I did not marry any of them. But for a time I fancied myself in love again, as love seems easy to know with certain kinds of men, and managed to escape the marriage inevitably that follows. Why is that ? Me? Them? Or just the realization that marriage is too long a time period to be locked in with any one person. I always thought that if this one did not work out, it was not meant to be. After now realizing that each may be related to past lifetimes, I view the involvement at an entirely different level than I had when ensnared in the romance of each person.
Usually, it is my education, or intelligence that seems to be the reason or cause that I did not finally tie the knot. I was told by one that while I am educated and intelligent, I did not lord it over him, but the very fact that he mentioned it told me that it had mattered to him. Men often use that as the excuse to be through with a woman, or the very cause to like that woman. It varies from man to man and woman to woman. In my case, it did not matter that much to me. Most relationships are based upon sex more than intelligence as it turns out. If he found me attractive romantically and sexually, he stayed with me. It was not my mind that he was attracted to or my cooking talents. Actually, today, cooking might be a good cause to take me as a wife, but not when I was young. I was pretty dismal at both cooking and housekeeping.
So except for a spiritual experience in which I was seeking my soul mate, and managed to find Heaven in Sacramento when I went to see Governor Brown in person, I have only those in love experiences as great highs in my life. But finding perfect love is the greatest joy I have ever enjoyed and probably will ever know. I always give Jerry Brown credit for his role in the moment I had Heavenly love envelope me totally while watching him at a special assembly. I still recall and relish that moment most of all. Again, younger than springtime, I was in love, a love like no other. I really was in st. Paul's Perfect Love definition of which he tells. NO jealousy, no fear, no doubt, Perfect Heaven! Love is all around for certain! I still love that vibration of love better than any other I have experienced.
I have achieved hope's desires, and known satisfaction through winning a prize, being accepted in a social circle, achieving scholastic honors, being recognized by my colleagues for works done, and have had satisfaction in most of those events. But thrills are nothing in comparison to a young prince riding a horse down a street, waving his chapeau to the crowd, inhaling a great intake of air when his horse rises into the air, and then feeling the joy rush to his head as he realizes he is loved and admired by his subjects. I always remember that moment in Louis XIV who truly loved and relished his role as a young prince for the nation of France. I doubt that anything anywhere will ever surpass that, as the motto means No equal anywhere. Nothing will ever diminish that joy in the heart of that young prince of Navarre and France.
So for those reasons, I decided to look back at the great moments in my life which could be relived in some future time to know who I am now and why it is that maybe I am to be reborn again and again if that is what all these spiritual journeys prove. I do know my own life in each lifetime, and it is a lesson learned to have to realize the difference between fame and unknown. Each has its own rewards and punishments. My mother once asked me, had you ever been a woman in a past life? Well, I have not dredge that person up if it is so, but rather offhandedly I say why of course. I have no memory of any former lifetime where I have actually learned that I had been. My earliest memory is of being a hunter in the day of cromagnon man, and I recall that experience as the most fearful experience that I had had. Another life also revealed and exposed fear to me, and in both cases, the cause of fear is animals. In cromagnon man, it was of a saber toothed tiger in which I can see see those huge teeth, and then of a boar rushing through the dense forest area. In the person of Genghis Khan, I did experience fear when a wall of war elephants came charging at me and my army. That was seriously frightful. There is nothing more frightening than wild elephants with intent to kill. So I have known many emotions in each of these men of the past. No, no woman has come up to me despite my being a woman now. I contemplate what all this means.
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