Yours Truly

Yours Truly
Janet Fauble at home

Friday, April 29, 2011

Tornadoes in Southern Part of USA

I just visited the NYTimes where I looked through the photos of the wedding of Kate and William and then the tornado results that have hit the southland so badly. I had had a dream the other morning which had really impacted me bigtime, as it had reminded me of an old t.v. show years ago showing what happened to Arizona when a meteorite hit it. In this dream, I was wandering around with crowds of people after some dreadful disaster had occurred, so I checked to see if I wrote it here or elsewhere. I know that I wrote about it, but I am not now sure where it was or to whom it was that I wrote of this event. At any rate, the photos from the NYTimes made me remember it as I associate it now with the numbers of people who are being driven into a similar scenario due to these devastating tornados. I had hoped that some natural disaster would not strike us this way, but alas and alack, I see now that it has hit the Midwest and south very hard. I spoke of it to my friends on Easter Sunday as that was the day on which I had the dream. I was a part of a large mass of people who had suffered a terrible and crushing disaster, as all buildings were obliterated, and while things were being given away and distributed to the needy, people did not want them so much as they wanted their homes. I spoke of this and Jeff got the meaning of it right away. So seeing these pictures from the times reminds me of that dream...it has come true after all.

Sunday, April 24, 2011

Conclusion of Cat situation

Well, it isn't over yet,as I have not yet talked to Sandra yet about it but sent her an email explaining what had happened briefly and she was sorry that I had had a stressful time. She does not know the half of it yet so I am not going to ruin her Easter Sunday by explaining all until after she returns from the Monastery and has time to hear it out.

Janice jumped the gun in my opinion but I did not really care as I was all too happy to have Snowball removed from the premises since she was causing so much distress for me.

I was not very friendly towards her myself after she reacted badly, and after she would not move at all. I was even unhappier with Alexander for having been a bad cat at this point when both should have been behaving in a friendlier fashion. I had never expected such a predicament and was angry at myself as well for not considering how Alexander might react. But for Heaven's sake, she is His cat mother.

I learned that does not mean a thing except that I finally learned where it is that he got the little brown smudge marks around his nose as they are exactly the same on her nose.

This is a problem for we have four headstrong people involved in this cat situation. Janice is a pet sitter who thinks she knows everything there is to know about cats and dogs from that angle, and has very set opinions on how cats and dogs should be raised. She is a cat person more than a dog person. I am, by nature, a dog person more than a cat person, but I have learned to love cats now that I have one and have learned a lot about him. I call him dog half the time too.

I used to call my yorkshire terrier part cat, so now I have alexander, part dog.

Sometimes I even call him Clancey and he sure acted a lot like him last night too.

At any rate, Sandra is a woman who has way too many cats, and is trying to farm them out,finding the right homes for them. Sandra is a good hearted Christian woman who also thinks she alone knows how to raise cats, dogs, and children.

Lord save us all from the people who always think that they alone know how to do anything, and better than anyone else.

The other strong opinionated woman is also a woman who wants to love animals, have them love her, and to be an expert as well, but who does agree that both Janice and Sandra are both wrong in what they are doing with each other. And it is this...

Sandra neglects her cats, and has Snowball, Bella Su Vino, Itsy and Bitsy, (Alexander's siblings), another kitten from the ass't. manager for her son, and now all of the asst. mgr's cat's newborn kittens, and occasionally lets her daughter's dog stay in the house. That makes 12 cats and one dog!

The two white Persians are filthy dirty due to neglect, lack of brushing, bathing, and grooming, and Alexander's siblings are also on their own, but not appearing quite so dirty or neglected...don't know why.

So these cats go to Janice's home to eat food that she provides for them, thinking that she is doing the kittens a favor, not caring what Sandra does think, and so the cats continue to wander in and out of Janice's home at will. She thinks that she knows better than Sandra on how to treat cats.

So I get caught in the middle of this war going on between two apartments and two neighbors. I agree that Sandra does neglect her cats, but I do disagree that Janice should make up for it, and take it upon herself to solve the situation.

So that is why we have a problem ongoing, why I wanted to clean up Snowball who may be pregnant again, and why I wanted this to end happy ever after instead of miserably as it is continuing to do.

I did get my cat vaccinated, and he is going to be neuteured soon because I also am tired of the growing kitten population with few people willing to care for them properly.

I wish he could have one litter because he is a little beauty but I am wondering about what will happen to the kittens, and who will want them if I do have him bred to a female.

At any rate, he will be neutered soon as I have the vet ready to do it. So it goes...Cat wars ever unending...

Cat Saga at an End

Last evening, Janice and I successfully transported Snowball to my apartment so that I could possibly give her a shampoo with a foam non water shampoo that is really quite nice. But to do that, I had to develop a rapport with the cat which just could not happen as it turned out. We got her into the house to let her run freely to the patio door where her son, Alexander, followed after her. All evening long Alexander would not tear himself away from her. He sat and watched her, stayed near her, and she seemed to simply stay still and quiet. She may have hissed at him once as I can no longer well remember everything that happened, making me wonder why it is that people seem to think that any emotionally distressful thing can be recalled readily. At any rate, I picked her up and took her into the bathroom to show her the litter box since Janice told me she had a full stomach which generally means soon that she will be emptying that stomach into the litter box.

Because the litter box sits next to the toilet seat, she immediately hid behind the toilet and Alexander parked himself near her to watch, and guard her all night. I petted her once, and even attempted to have her move, but she had a fit at that, and fought back, and I let it be, getting a lesson in cat movements that made me more than a bit sore and angry at her as well as at him. So I left them to themselves, him parking himself at the doorway so that she couldn't get past him if she tried, and I went to bed to sleep.

At 4:00 in the morning I am wakened by this howling screech and wondered what the heck, and went in to see who was screeching so loudly. I saw Alexander standing at the rim of the tub in attack mode howling at his mother who was now sitting in his favorite spot to lie down in the tub...

I got him out of there, but with some effort, as he fought me, and scratched me, and went into a catfit like I have never seen before. He was on the floor, literally shaking, and I calmed him down to bring him out, remove his litter box to the dressing area, and to keep him away from his mother for the rest of the night. I put a clean litter box in for her to use, some food and water, and closed the door, only to return whenever I had to go to the john (which turned out to be too often for my own good, but pee I had to do as I was a bit of a wreck too by this time.) Snowall stayed calm all night, stayed in the bathtub, and I told her she could either leave if she wanted or stay there and put up with this all night. I then let the door open, put Alexander in a carrier so he could not run after her and bother her, and she would not budge but stayed in the tub.

I made a mistake and told my neighbor Janice about it as it was at her house that I had found Snowball to bring to my apartment. Janice took everything wrong, plainly being a pain in the ass to me, by accusing me of keeping her over night. I never keep them overnight she said, as if that mattered. She did not know what had happened between me and Sandra, or me and the cats, so why is she jumping to conclusions I am wondering.

But at this point, I don't give a darn. I just want to sleep and to get some rest, and am angry at cats in general and would probably put them all out of existence at this point.

But Alexander had been stressed out, fearful that his mother would probably move in,compete with him, and take his place. I had to calm him down, get him to do his normal routine to show him that he had nothing to fear so he returned to his own habits and was soon back to his normal self. I would never let him go near Snowball again, and eventually talked to Janice who decided to take it upon herself to help me by coming to get Snowball and return her to her patio.

I told Sandra what had happened.

Saturday, April 23, 2011

Cat Problem

I have neighbors who are cat crazy. Right now, I am catsitting for a neighbor who is out of town. I had promised to wash her cat, give her a shampoo, but it is a water free shampoo that I have that cleans and restores the shine to the fur. However, if the cat is resistant I will not do it. She is a pedigreed Persian, and the mother of my kitten. I finally learned why my kitten has a nose with two brown smudges on either side, and I see that it is exactly like his mothers. He is definitely his father's side of the family except for that brown coloring beside each side of his nose. It has always fascinated me. This is the first that I have seen Snowball up this close.

I had not known that she was going to be out of town or I might have waited a day to do this. Now the poor cat will have to stay here until she returns. She had been going to the neighbor's home to spend the night but for now she is stuck with me and her son, Alexander.

Alexander and she have not taken to one another. But I have two litter boxes so each can use a different one, and not have to infringe on the other's comfort level. I have set a plate of food out for her if she decides to get out of the bathroom to find food and drink anywhere.

This saga will have another chapter tomorrow evening. This trial has only just begun...

Friday, April 22, 2011

Writing my novel

You know that I have not done a thing with my nanowrimo experience but let it rest, like you are supposed to let steak rest so as not to lose the juices. But I was just reading something at facebook that convinced me that probably I should try to write parts and pieces of my novel here just for the airing of them. I have not been keeping up with my other journal either as these past few months have been so busy that I have time to do only so much. Age is full of limitations as you age. It sounds like excuses for procrastination, but in reality, it is common sense not to take on too much as I am often want to do.

You see as I let it rest I critically examine it more and more and think of the areas in it which need development. It is not like I am not working on it. I am, but it is a revision within my head thing more than put it down on paper. I can see areas where I can finally develop the general outline to make it more interesting and entertaining.

So I may use the blog just to create some ideas about expansion...this is only thinking outloud but on a place where I can refer back to it.

I had two dreams this morning that I can finally recall a tiny bit...one was about an auto accident, and using blood and evidence to prove guilt or innocence...the other for some reason about a wine invitation and a letter that seems to get confused. Neither dream makes sense at all, and I don't see them entirely as metaphors, but perhaps so...but one was about living family relatives which I could see clearly at an age where they had been when younger, and the other of friends who are also seen in their youthful stage...now I wonder why it is that dreams do that, take us to times past rather than in the present. dreams are strange things to endure, aren't they?

Hallelujah, He is risen

Good Friday

When I was at Walmart today, the clerk and I discussed Good Friday and Easter. She could not understand why they call it good. It does make one wonder, and as I just looked at some of the photoblogs, the one from Athens had a photo of a giant crucifix with Jesus hanging from it.

Historically, I do not believe that Jesus appeared on the cross in this fashion, but I do not want to debate it. Having learned of Alexander and how he had crucified 2,000 men at Tyre, it struck me to see a photograph of a crucifix of Christ from Greece. Greece was where Paul preached the gospel and so was converted to Christianity. But long before Christ was crucified, many others earlier had died horrific deaths in the same fashion.

Today, none of us realizes the importance of that kind of slow death, but we are conditioned to accept it as the church has spun its story. In truth, probably the real story is much different than the one that has been fed to this generation of believers.

Nonetheless, no matter the means, it was clearly stated that no bones could be broken, but that the Roman soldier did pierce his side to see if he had truly died before they took him down from the cross. It is interesting to note that any soldiers bothered to wait around, but apparently they were instructed to do so. Most usually, an army would make certain all men were securely fastened and simply leave them to die slowly while they went on their way. So this story of Jesus's death does deserve some explanation and examination as to why he was treated in a deferential way.

His resurrectioin is the meaningful part of the story and so while we suffer through the death of Christ it is only a short time later that we celebrate his victory over death, having proved that the soul is more powerful than the flesh temple of the man who is God.

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Apartment Hunting II

I looked at another apartment this afternoon with my neighbor friend who took me to see it, and I liked it very much. The rent is reasonable, is a one bedroom, is well located, and suits me to a tee. Hope to get in there. But it brought on depression the likes of which I had trouble shaking.

I am tired of moving around so much. I want to be settled once and for all, and I am quite disturbed at the present circumstances of my life. Very angry about it all.

So anger changes to depression and returns to anger very quickly.

I discussed in a previous post the identities of persons in life today that are tied in with characters of yesterday. Wouldn't you know that they would have to be celebrated and famous? Disgusting to say the least, but what can you say? When confronted with the facts, one can only consider them all. Now, I am suggesting of course to protect myself and family that all these identifications can be used as metaphors just for the sake of giving myself a protective shield. One can always use people as metaphors and we do it all the time.

The real reason for that is that in truth, nobody can ever be correct about writing history fairly and without bias and prejudice, and as these characters are ancient and actually probably are misconstrued over the course of time, nobody can believe anything that is said about them that is written in history books, encyclopedias, or biographies. I just do not believe that any author is ever capable of knowing the truth about a historical figure who lived so long ago.

What I assert is what I have actually recalled from the session that I had when immersed in that person's spiritual body. I emphasize spiritual because that is all that I have ever experienced as the flesh is long gone, but the spiritual is very much alive and well.

My real problem is that I do not know whether or not that spiritual memory is from within one's own souls records or if it is an astral body projection to a place where these spiritual souls reside. Understand what I am saying, if anyone but myself is reading this?

Why and how I can enter into that spiritual residue is more than I can explain but I do know that the spiritual form is sometimes present when I myself enter into it and then become that entity. I am trying to explain this as best I can so that there is no misunderstanding.

In that way, I believe that I have access to the truth of the event that I am experiencing more than any historian could ever have any concept to understand.

That is all for now. I have got to get to bed and get some sleep. This has been a rough week for me, what with trying to find apartments, contemplating moving, and all the problems that entails. I am too old for this stuff any more and am tired of it.

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

The Mountain by Terje Sorgjerd

Alexander today

In my learning of past lives, this is how they are with me...I am Alexander, my brother Hephaestion, my mother Philip, my dad Kleitos, my nephew BW Craterus, my grandmother (Mae) Olympias, and my friend from high school who I called Hephaestion as she and I were best friends is really Philotas...that is how I have pieced it out so far...a boyfriend from elementary school had been Roxanne, and a former boyfriend who really impacted me is Barsine, and believe it or not, I even think I know who the other two daughters of Darius, Statira and sister had been, also boyfriends of the past...this is just a constant reminder to me to keep things straight regarding the ongoing rebirthing process, as Easter testifies to the power of the spirit to overcome matter, and so likewise, that is all that reincarnation is as well, the spirit overcoming the problem of materialism...it has all been interesting to me to learn that all that makes people famous is widespread publicity, true or false. Some truisms are such that as the story By the Waters of Babylon said, The truth is a hard deer to hunt...I am Louis, my mother Anne, my dad Philippe, my brother Louise, Jim had been Montespan, another Jim had been Queen Marie Therese, and friend Philotas always makes me think of Colbert, but not sure if she had been or just makes me think of him...my uncle Jim had been Mazarin. So I will stop here. Let this rest for awhile. Isn't it wonderful that nobody knows who they had been in the past...my cousin Rita had been the Dauphin, and my Uncle Frank had been one of the children also...I don't think my relatives want to learn all this...most would deny it quickly...I haven't figured everyone out totally as it comes to me in short but quick spurts and then I see the connection...

Having a true perspective

I posted some scenes from Hubble on this blog as I had just finished watching a slideshow with Hubble photos, three of earth with the moon seen rising, new, and full beside her. Just truly impressive, then a shot of earth seen by a camera circling Saturn's rings...Incredibly amazing to realize that the modern technology lets us see ourselves from outer space in a manner that is truly illuminating.

In the meantime, back here on terra firma where my problems are as real to me as can be, I have to take myself seriously in terms of my apartment choices that are coming.

Many know that I have been working on the lottery game ever since it began in Michigan years ago in the 70's. I am an expert on lottery games, as I have been working on finding a quick and easy solution to the problem for many years. It is all hard work, and in the end, luck matters most, but knowing how to find a pattern, how to work a wheel, and how to make the right choices in selecting numbers is like having a roadmap when taking a drive cross country. Nobody should play the game without some idea of which numbers are most likely to happen and which are not.

At present, I am working the Pick lottery in the state of Arizona. My luck had always been good in the Colorado lottery, and I suspect that rhythm and some outside interferences happen more than people know. I have seen it happen repeatedly.

Lotteries are very dangerous to play. They will eat you alive if you do not play them correctly. Dumb luck happens most often, and the odds are such that it would be smarter to go to a casino and play roulette. One has a chance to win that way.

But I have developed a system, have carried it to the inth degree for this Wednesday's draw, and so I am working on it now.

Must close...will discuss further later.

The Kirstie Alley video is due to a comment about corsets at Tudor Talk, and the password show surprised me when she said she had CATS. Very fascinating as she is now the lead star on Dancing with the Stars, and her show was Veronica's Closet I learned finally. I could not remember it but I did remember the name Veronica.

I have to find her costar's name now as she was present at the show tonight.

That's all for now, folks!

Sunday, April 17, 2011

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Apartment Search

I went to another area today to look at an apartment and met a lovely manager, and possibly have found a place for me and my cat at last that won't cripple me. To make things clear, I am in a limbo state so long as my father is alive. I alluded to this in the movie Proof which is pretty apropos to the situation.

I am not going to discuss that all over again, but the point is that by going to this apartment I will be returning to a place in AZ where I lived in the past, reminding me of my youth, and my years as a beginning teacher. To live there again is a bit of a stretch, but there is a good reason for me to choose this particular spot. One, it does not charge pet rent or ask for a pet deposit. It is clean, it is less expensive than this high rent district where I now live, and it is nicer in many ways, as the maintenance of the grounds is better than here.

There are two other places I will look into but for the moment I am pretty much deciding to take this for six months at least, so that if my dad does pass away I am not in for a long term. We just don't know what the real state of his health is at 95.

I would like to move to Vegas in one way but cannot afford that at the moment. I am still always hoping for a big major change in finances but so far I have not achieved that.

My reason for putting on Guy Lombardo's Enjoy Yourself is that I remember it from the days of the Royal Canadians and I loved it and realize how true it is, that time passes as quickly as a wink, and whether you like it or not, the best time of life is the time when things go right for you and you have a good time.

People make our lives happy or sorrowful. It is all that simple. Animals do not do much either way but simply befriend us as we befriend them. They give back whatever it is that you give to them.

People to some extent do the same things. So if pleasure is what life is mostly about then it will be enjoyable. And pleasure is far better than pain or agony in my opinion, so I say enjoy!

Apartment hunting has given me a certain kind of freedom. I can at least get out of here and maybe make some needed changes in my habits now. Won't discuss my problems here. Not the place for that now. Just that I realize how quickly time passes, but we must make the most of our days the best way possible. A pet to have with us is a good way.

♫ Enjoy yourself (it's later than you think!) ♫

Monday, April 11, 2011

True Friends by Hannah Montanna - Lyrics

Keys and Purses

This evening I came home to open my bag to take out my keys, and saw that they were not in the pocket area where I keep them. I was stunned, dismayed, and upset as could be as these are my apartment keys, and what could have happened to them. I am chronic about checking and protecting them all the time. I panicked out. But I did empty my purse, did not see them anywhere, got on my cell phone, called a neighbor, as I had to find the maintenance man to let me in the apartment. I was scared as all get out.

I went to the office and it was fifteen minutes after closing, so that I had to get the maintenance man to help me, and so had to call my neighbor to learn which is his apartment. I found him, he was wonderful, went to the office, got me a set of keys and gave them to me to open the door.

I saw a friend of my neighbor's who has a car, and I went to him to ask if I could get him to help me to find the keys if I could. He was so kind to say yes that he would help me, and so I went to his car, and as we were driving I noticed that there was a hole in my pocket where I keep them. I thought, uhoh, maybe they fell through and maybe they are in the purse yet. So I felt around and sure enough, they had fallen through to the interior of the bag. What a relief! So we turned around and came home. I was never so grateful to anyone in my life as to both Dave and Jared who befriended me when I needed it, and Lee, who did help me, with finding Dave, and reminding me to get a spare. What an evening. I will select a song video for this to calm my nerves which have not yet recovered.

Saturday, April 9, 2011

Ben Affleck in The Great Gatsby

Wow! This is some story about the remake of The Great Gatsby. I was stunned to see the major stars who will perform in this film. This is such a great shot of Ben Affleck. I love the photo that was used here in this p.r. stunt. He is who has always reminded me of Hephaestion when I saw him in my time lapse ability. Hephaestion is a truly handsome looking man, and I admit that I have seen his likeness on more than one occasion.

On that note, I did reread parts of my first draft to my Alexander novel, and I have to admit that it is very good. I still like it even this much later after writing it, and of course, I know that I have lots of work to do to rewrite it later, but for now, I am in the midst of apartment searches, have to nail down a new place in which to live, and so will be busy this month getting that matter straightened out.

Then maybe I can bear down on this novel and get it finalized for first draft form and then rewrite it for publication form.

Lots going on now...

Wood Memorial

Yes, I did bet on Toby's Corner in the Wood Memorial. At horse races especially, I have inner sources that feed me information, and many times I have not acted upon those inner feeds until today when I finally got bold and placed a bet on Toby's Corner. It immediately fell from 18 to 1 to 8 to 1 but I did get paid for my belief.

I have the most unusual stories about horses and horse racing that would make any jockey, trainer, and owner wonder, but they at least can be considered true. Alas and alack, I do not always go up to the window but I learned during all this time that my inner guides were telling me true so today I finally capitalized on it and bet it to win.

When I get the video I will probably place it here so I can remember this day that has probably saved Uncle Mo from losing badly at the Kentucky Derby. I did this years ago with a horse called Sunday Silence. I had been in Vegas at the Barbary Coast, sitting next to some whitehaired old man who was chattering on and on about a race that was at Santa Anita. All of sudden I looked at the odds, and knew that the favorite could not win, so I jumped aboard this man's favorite, which was Sunday Silence, and I then won that race, and Sunday Silence went on to become a legend also.

I love horses, so today I retained my discipline of not overbetting and stuck to my guns by just going with one horse straight up, not playing exotics, and left happy.

As long as horse racing remains fun and pleasure, it is a good game. I have known a few times when it is gets a little too serious for some of those who play the game, as they cannot stand it when they lose, and then take out their anger on someone nearby. If you could not afford to lose the bet, you should not have placed the bet.

So I always stay sane in my betting practices. I know the name of this game! It was fun to win!

Affleck to star in The Great Gatsby?

Affleck to star in The Great Gatsby? Imagine this! What a cast and crew!

Thursday, April 7, 2011

Forrest Tucker

When I worked at the Country Club near Chicago, Illinois, in 1959, I met up with Forrest Tucker who was playing in a summer musical The Music Man. That is why I have placed some scenes from FTroop and The Music Man here. I loved the song Til There was You.

Forrest Tucker had lunch at the club one day and I was asked if I wanted to serve him. He had a young girl of about 16 with him then and her mother accompanied them. He was a lot like Errol Flynn, then, apparently liking his girls young and innocent or not so innocent, whatever. I did serve him, and took umbrage at him when he looked up at me and called me "Baby". In those days, as I was all of 20 then I felt like a dumb fool being called Baby in front of his table. There was a large group who accompanied him, but I remember him as very tall, very handsome, and very brash.

I look back at it now and have to laugh. All this is very interesting to think about after this many years have passed under our feet.

Doesn't seem that long ago at all. The Paul Lynde episode is very funny as are the blooper videos. I had a speech professor at Kent State who definitely reminds me of Paul Lynde. No doubt about it now that I look back at it. They resembled each other a lot.

(Both were known to be quite gay, isn't it obvious?)

I tried to put up a video on the song you made me love you, which will have to wait awhile. I am closing the laptop now.

The Music Man Shirley Jones "Till There Was You"

Paul Lynde as a Singing Mountie in F-Troop - Part 1

forrest tucker tribute

The Legend Of Forrest Tucker (1997) - narrated by Jim Birdsall voice of ...

Sarah Vaughan Broken Hearted Melody

Michigan State University

I graduated from Michigan State University in 1961, began teaching at Kearsley High School in Flint, Michigan, thanks to George Daly, Superintendent of Schools then. Kearsley was only about three blocks from where my parents lived and so it was very convenient for me to take the place of a woman who had become pregnant and was on leave. I began teaching sophomores that year under the guidance of Edwin Stephon, a really great principal in whom I still believe strongly.

I grew up in Ohio, and attended Kent State University for two years before my father was transferred to Flint by the Buckeye Pipeline to become a supervisor for the company there. In that time between college years, I spent the summer in Illinois, working at a country club where I fell in love for the first time, suffered a broken heart, returned to Ohio, unable to continue my education at Kent State University, and so waited until winter term to enter Michigan State University. My transcript from Kent State University went to the University of Michigan which had a semester plan, but both Kent and State were on quarter plans which I liked better so I finally made it into Michigan State University.

I had no real interest in school then despite having done so well at Kent State because I was mending a broken heart, was emotionally unable to commit to anything, and frankly did not even try that first quarter to attend any but a few of my classes. My professors at Michigan State University proved to be kind men who saved me when I needed a friend, and gradually brought me through to begin a renewed interest in the academic work that I was there to complete.

So I made a few friends at the dorm where I lived, and only one person have I found besides myself in this alumni directory. I had forgotten the name of a close friend until just a few minutes ago to see if she responded. I guess a lot of these old time friends want to be forgotten and left alone as many did not respond so that we could all reconnect together sometime in the future.

I did write up a short statement and included a photo to be printed so that I have both my statement and my photo in this directory. Turns out to be funny in a way, as I ended the statement with a catchphrase which has now become the name of a catfood, and also is now a part of a campaign in our apartment building. I am actually using the catfood as it is a good recipe and my cat likes it. I had ended my statement saying "enjoying the good life." a trite enough phrase, but now I am seeing it everywhere.

Very amusing to me.

Impact News: Barack Obama Visits MSU

MSU Campus Tour

Monday, April 4, 2011

Strange Dreams

This morning I awoke from a weirdo dream that probably is due to the influence of Gwyneth Paltrow, because in this dream it was as if I were the Queen, either Elizabeth or Cleopatra, and frankly for awhile I was not really certain which was which. Because I was on a barge type boat of some kind, and the person who came through to me was my favorite uncle from my childhood, and in this dream he was loudly asserting himself to me and making me remember something that he had done for me, and I more or less thought of him as some kind of Sir Walter Raleigh. (I have a lot of Walters in my family). So in a sense I felt like Elizaeth, but because of the bargetype boat and the feeling of extreme warmth, I thought it could be Cleopatra. At any rate, my feeling was that it was an extremely unhappy life that I am leading as my uncle is wanting me to do something that I do not want, which is why I think it resembles the time that Elizabeth was being courted by one of the princes of France, but in this case, it seemed as though I am near the Mexican border, and these are Mexicans that I am supposed to ally myself with, and I am very resistant, as are all the men who are surrounding me as none of us wanted any of this matchmaking to happen at all. I felt a bit trapped, and I disliked the role of being a Queen as one was more a slave than a free person, so that it was a most unhappy situation, telling me that royals have no room for happiness ever in their lives.

I woke up from it wondering what the heck is this, and thank Heaven it is a dream and not reality, as frankly, that lifestyle had no appeal for me at all.

But I must admit that I have had memories of former lifetimes of eminent persons in which I never felt that way at all, so all I can say is that going back in time to relive a moment is a far different thing from a dream in which one is caught in a situation not to one's liking. I realized how much Elizabeth and/or Cleopatra had suffered in their role as Queen, and why it was not a desirable position to hold at all. In reality, if one knew the truth about these women, one would never want to have been them at all.

I decided finally that it was probably Elizabeth since I recall that Gwyneth played her recently in a film which I truly liked, so that for her to make me see myself a bit in Proof actually surprised me a lot. I have to admit that I liked her in that role as she gave it a strength of character that probably few other actresses would have done. Her lack of makeup impressed me as she is a natural beauty anyway, but it helped to understand the stress that she was enduring in her life in that person.

I re-edited this page as I got some hard feelings off my chest, but decided to keep them from disclosure publicly right now. Proof has helped me to see things in a way that I had not realized until now...I thought of my lottery games, my short stories, my novel..there can be many things...It is over...enough for now...as Mark Twain said in his short story Adam and Eve, Go dream better dreams. Lord, I hope so.






This is still working itself out. Proof helped a little.

The movie Proof

Proof is a very strange movie that strangely resembles my life a bit, and that is why I am discussing it now. I picked it up at the local library and so finally took the time to see this really interesting movie about a mathematics professor who is a genius and his daughter who is for all practical purposes very much like him. Anthony Hopkins plays the role of the much admired and highly revered mathematics professor, who makes spiritual visits to his daughter who has cared for him during the past five years. She is also a mathematical genius herself, and therefore, understands her father's idiosyncrasies about his work and his passion, solving problems and attempting to bring new theories to life.

As I am anything but a mathematician, I could not or would not identify with this film except in the strangest of ways as it soon showed me. Apparently, it is also based upon a stageplay, which I understand won a Pulitzer Prize. But the sorrow is that this film does resemble some aspect of my own life and it hit home with me, registered and has made me wonder a lot about it.

It is what one of my students called Psychodrama.

This is a case of samenesses along with opposites or just the reverse. It is a protect your own butt if you are the author or producer of a film, but not long ago, I saw another film about a writer who used a boyfriend or husband as her subject for her story/play which became famous and so in a way this film resembles that to me, other than that the writer/ author is not a boyfriend/husband or anyone I even know.

Because the movie was produced two years after my mother's death, I could possibly identify the father with my mother, but I do not do that except to note that in fact, I have spent more time than that with my parents, off and on again, and in fact, did finally spend four years with my father before his attempt to commit suicide but who remains alive, now living out of the state of Arizona. He is 95 at this writing. But my brother who does resemble only slightly the sister in the story in that he has been long away from the family, appearing only infrequently, but now lets me know that he does NOT want to take care of me, exactly opposite of plot and dialogue in film, does do the same as the sister and sells the house out from under me in the same but far more cruel manner than in this film. That hit me hard as I have been angry about that for a very long time. So in those respects, I could identify with the daughter and understand her anger, depression, and feelings. As I am a neatnik, I won't allow dirty dishes to pile up so was distressed to see her house and kitchen is such a mess. I am the opposite of that also. As for the funeral, only immediate family at my mother's funeral, no pouring out of friends as she wanted it that way and got what she wanted. Only my brother, his wife, father, and myself show up at her funeral despite her having had many wonderful friends all her life long. She has not yet had a newspaper article even written up about her death. I notified the closest members of the family by phone.

I am angry with both my dad and my brother, but I stay civilized. The movie has brought about a realization that truth and fiction are pretty closely intertwined, whether by accident or design I don't know. I never heard of the author of this play or movie until I just picked it up at the library. But it hit a chord with me. I hope that my dad will soon be reunited with his wife of many years as he wants so much. It is all sorrow for now, but I am moving away from the area soon and perhaps things will change.

Saturday, April 2, 2011

Proof trailer

I just saw this movie...strange how some real life situations are so much like this movie...I am trying to figure this one out.