Strange Dreams

This morning I awoke from a weirdo dream that probably is due to the influence of Gwyneth Paltrow, because in this dream it was as if I were the Queen, either Elizabeth or Cleopatra, and frankly for awhile I was not really certain which was which. Because I was on a barge type boat of some kind, and the person who came through to me was my favorite uncle from my childhood, and in this dream he was loudly asserting himself to me and making me remember something that he had done for me, and I more or less thought of him as some kind of Sir Walter Raleigh. (I have a lot of Walters in my family). So in a sense I felt like Elizaeth, but because of the bargetype boat and the feeling of extreme warmth, I thought it could be Cleopatra. At any rate, my feeling was that it was an extremely unhappy life that I am leading as my uncle is wanting me to do something that I do not want, which is why I think it resembles the time that Elizabeth was being courted by one of the princes of France, but in this case, it seemed as though I am near the Mexican border, and these are Mexicans that I am supposed to ally myself with, and I am very resistant, as are all the men who are surrounding me as none of us wanted any of this matchmaking to happen at all. I felt a bit trapped, and I disliked the role of being a Queen as one was more a slave than a free person, so that it was a most unhappy situation, telling me that royals have no room for happiness ever in their lives.

I woke up from it wondering what the heck is this, and thank Heaven it is a dream and not reality, as frankly, that lifestyle had no appeal for me at all.

But I must admit that I have had memories of former lifetimes of eminent persons in which I never felt that way at all, so all I can say is that going back in time to relive a moment is a far different thing from a dream in which one is caught in a situation not to one's liking. I realized how much Elizabeth and/or Cleopatra had suffered in their role as Queen, and why it was not a desirable position to hold at all. In reality, if one knew the truth about these women, one would never want to have been them at all.

I decided finally that it was probably Elizabeth since I recall that Gwyneth played her recently in a film which I truly liked, so that for her to make me see myself a bit in Proof actually surprised me a lot. I have to admit that I liked her in that role as she gave it a strength of character that probably few other actresses would have done. Her lack of makeup impressed me as she is a natural beauty anyway, but it helped to understand the stress that she was enduring in her life in that person.

I re-edited this page as I got some hard feelings off my chest, but decided to keep them from disclosure publicly right now. Proof has helped me to see things in a way that I had not realized until now...I thought of my lottery games, my short stories, my novel..there can be many things...It is over...enough for now...as Mark Twain said in his short story Adam and Eve, Go dream better dreams. Lord, I hope so.






This is still working itself out. Proof helped a little.