Amira Willighagen - 2015 Sanremo Junior Festival - Guest Appearance - AL...

Wednesday, June 17, 2015

Today has been a rough day.  I have been waking up at 6:00 for some reason in the past few weeks, and today was no different, but this time I decided to stay in bed to get more sleep.  It did me good.  I needed that but I had tried to keep from over exerting myself in work.  I have been going at such a pace that I am worn out, tired beyond belief, and made myself keep the amount of work to a minimum.

That is nearly imposible because there is just too much to do, and I hate all the boxes lying around on the floor, in the hall, and in the nook.  One can only do so much but I am trying to get it done without having a heart attack or killing myself or going insane.

So while watching Million dollar listings on Bravo, one item occurred to me that I had not yet found it so I went on a hunt to see if I could find it.  I panic easily, being surviving on nerves it seems, which are frayed, so I was suddenly stricken with fear that it was missing.  My little voice from within kept telling me that it was here, that I would find it.  That did calm me down.  And finally I found it.  My little voice had been right, and it kept me from going mad.  I also found two other things that I had been missing, so tonight every thing that I had missed was found.


I am thankful that I did take photos of the entire packing, moving, and unloading procedure because that did also reassure me that I had packed the object that I was seeking, but for awhile I wondered at why I could not find it, and why it was missing.  I kept thinking that I might have to make a claim, something I do not want to do.  I need not do it now and my faith in myself and others is reassured, but for awhile I was wondering.

Moving in itself is too much for anyone at my age, and I am happy that it is over.  However, if I move again, I will rid myself of everything so that I have nothing to worry about.  I am tired of all the knick knacks, books, clothes, and all the memorabilia that I have kept over the years.  I can see why when one dies, one should just get rid of everything and have nothing left to worry about.

Problem is when one is living, one wants and needs many of these same items which are so frustrating just to enjoy a reasonable amount of sentimentality towards small pieces of pleasure.

It was my dad's clock that I could not find, and a reference to gold plate made me think of it, and it scared me to think that I could not recall where I had packed it.  I finally found it along with some shoes that I could not find, and once I found them both, I was satisfied that everything is o.k.  There are some items yet that remain unfound yet but I am hoping that they will show up before  long too.  I just overlook some of these things without realizing it.

One of the reasons I did it all myself with the exception of the prof is so that I could not blame anyone for anything that might go wrong.

I did not go out at all today except to take some boxes to the dumpster and to move my car from one spot to another.  It was so hot early in the morning that I finally put two shelves together, set up my patio with one set, and then forced myself to rest.

I watched Millionaire listings on Bravo which showed me a side of New York City that I did not know existed.  I soon learned why one wants to become a millionaire.  The lifestyle in these apartment homes is unreal.

Pisses me off to be honest!  All these young new rich are frankly irritating but they are living in NYC in huge numbers!

Saturday, June 13, 2015

I have finally spent a week here and hopefully tomorrow I will have everything out of storage and into apartment.  I am crossing my fingers that I can get it all out tomorrow.  I brought in most of my books today, wondering what in the world is wrong with me to have to own so many books.  The books are fine when one is permanently planted but when moving about, they become the most difficult annoyance.

I got my plants back from Pat who had been so kind to house them on her patio for me.  I talked her into buying melon and unfortunately, forgot about it when I dropped her off so that today I am heading back to Scottsdale to return her newly acquired melon from Winco.  I am just too tired to think straight it seems.

I have to finish vacuuming the inside of my car too so I will do that on the way to her home and maybe drop some extra boxes off at U Haul which had taken in some for me the other day.

I am having some problems with t.v. yet but am not sure if it is due to cable or to t.v.  It works great sometimes and not so great other times.  I will visit them come Monday if all is not straightened out.

I reported a wasp that appears to be building a nest.  I have not seen the wasp today.  I did get a notification from the staff that they had taken note of my complaint.

It is going to take a long time to get this apartment arranged to where I know where everything is.  I have already done so much work but there is so much left to do.  Less is better and I am hoping not to have to buy anything at all now.

But I have a lot, and do not really need much more.  A few things yes.  I will get a dash camcorder for the windshield of my car someday...not sure when as it would have come in handy many times.

Just wanted to make an entry to keep up with all that I am doing at present.  Moving sucks as one of my neighbors said to me the other day.  It sure does...But today while taking some boxes to the dumpster a really nice guy asked if I needed help and I said yes....He took the boxes and put them in the dumpster for me.  I needed that. God bless him.

June 12, Friday

Yesterday afternoon the Cox cable t.v. technician arrived to connect my tv and internet so that I can use this computer here in the apartment instead of having to go to Starbucks and McDonald's or Mall.  What a relief that is despite the enormous cost.  In fact, if at the price he quoted it is not so bad.

I am so dead tired that I have often thought of crawling into my grave and just sleeping it all away, but with the dreams I have had I do not dare to even consider that yet.

Well, at last, I can finally sleep at night comfortably, and I have a great bath and shower system which was the real reason I selected this apartment.  I had liked the bathtub since I am a person who loves to soak for long soapy relaxation.  It was a good decision I admit.

There have been some strange problems that have occurred along the way in renting this apartment but since it is all behind me now, I am going to look ahead with anticipation to a great time here.  The neighbors I have met are very nice and I am happy for the time being with this country lifestyle.

A Winco grocery store is nearby and I bought the best cantaloupe there so that I will be buying more. Fry's had a great buy on strawberries so I have now both a huge box of blueberries, strawberries, and small box of raspberries.  So far, I have not made a smoothie though.

That will soon change, but I am still in the throes of unloading and finding a place for everything. I have too much so I must get rid of some stuff which may take me some time but will surely happen. I do need bookcases though...as I have a slew of books to take out of storage and bring in today.

Just too much work but in the end, I am sure that I will be happier here than where I had been before. The peace and quiet of the neighborhood have already made me know that.  I had too much traffic in front of my former apartment, especially with the doggie problem.

So in the final analysis, after only spending 6 days here I already feel I did myself a favor!  So I cannot be unhappy with the changes made at the McDonald spot!  It freed me.

Finally have a new home.

I moved into my new apartment on Sunday, June 7, and spent all day bringing in all the goods that I had stored myself in the garage which I rented for storage.  It took the entire day for me to get into my apartment all the loose ends that I had let wait to move, such as clothes, cooking utensils, and all the stuff that I had not wanted to be under seal for the duration.  I had already thought that I had too much for the garage to hold but the movers were able to make room for me to store the things that I had not asked them to move.

Because my bed was in the garage I slept on the air mattress that I had used at the former apartment until I had my bed set up.  Wow!  Have I ever appreciated my own bed now after all this.  I had to spend 7 days in a motel in which the bed was huge but the mattress was clearly not my own, and yes, it does always make a difference.

My body has been suffering ever since I took it upon myself to move all that stuff that had taken me two weeks to store so that I have been resting as much as possible.  I have more in storage that I must get out by next Monday.  I brought in some essentials today.

Today I did get my t.v. and internet plan set up through Cox.  The man who set up the t.v. and internet is one of the most interesting and helpful technicians that I have met to date.  He was so helpful to me that I can only thank him for his time and patience.  He was late getting here but stayed to answer all my questions, of which I had many, and to help me to understand how this cable system works.

He at least let me know how important that my Sony remote is for the t.v.   He said not to lose it no matter what.  Cable now also includes a remote to use for their system...Lord, there is no end to all this madness for sure.

I really liked him.  That and the shower system in my bathroom has made me appreciate the move to this place.  I said after taking a shower that it was worth the price of admission alone. I had selected this place due to the bathtub but the shower was so cool and so enjoyable that I realized I had made the right choice in moving here.

I have had some problems here and have wondered if I had been wanted here after all.  I had been given a garage that was closer to my apartment but with a manager change, the new manager decided to change the garage.  I do not know why for sure but it made me think that she is a problem for me.

Yet, she has been very nice to me and helpful at times when necessary so I do not know for sure what is going on here.  Is there some kind of power struggle between her and my rental agent?  I do not know.

Then the dryer did not work when I decided to wash clothes so that I had to go to a professional laundry shop to dry.  Maintenance did fix it yesterday so a note says. I have not yet tried it to see if it works or not.  He did replace the burnt lightbulb with a new bulb.

I am keeping all paperwork that I get from them now.

I do not have as much storage here as in the other apartment but i am figuring out  a way to make all this work.  It just takes time.

I am exhausted from all the work.  I have to finish emptying the storage I rented asap.   Most of it is books.

For now, I may be rambling but I wanted to make a record of events to date now that I have wifi and can use my computer again.

Monday worst ever!

I have to write this now that I am able to use my computer once again.  Last Monday, I foolishly decided to go to Payson because it is said that it is cooler up there.  What an idiot!  Route 87 is the most wicked road in the world despite its being a double lane highway divided into two lanes going north and south...a four lane actually.  But nobody tells you about its serpentine switchbacks, its long ascents and descents!  I may have been told once by my brother that it was typically mountainous but I had forgotten obviously, and just thought it would be a jaunt to go from Mesa to Payson!

We learn who our friends are this way also.

Anyway, stupidly, I went on my own, alone, with a full tank of gas, and used Bush Highway to connect to the 87.   I had suspected that Bush Highway might be pretty curving but it was mild in comparison.  Before I knew it I was climbing mountains with no chance of turning back since this is a two lane road built like a freeway with few exits.

I hate and despise mountain driving more than anyone can know. I have gone over many mountain roads in Colorado and I sincerely prefer straight flat valley roads.  So here I am, twisting and turning, going up and down, until I could barely stand one more darn Mountain!  Granted, yes, they are beautiful to see, but they become tiresome fast, and finally after seeing one truck sign descent too many, I stopped and pulled over and called 911.  I was ready for anyone to help me to get down off this damn mountain top.

 I talked to a couple of ladies and one asked if I wanted to be towed down, and I said no, but a highway patrolman could drive my car if I could get one.  She did not think that we could do that. I sat there, and said to myself, well, I could follow him.  Believe me, there are no highway patrolman on this road.  I was only 20 miles south of Payson at the time, and finally, I regained my nerve, and said, I will make it, as I had been saying to myself over 76 miles of this treacherous winding road all along.  I was driving along at 50 miles per hour when I got a telephone call from ADOT in Phoenix who asked where I was and what was I doing. I had already declared myself a traffic hazard as I was driving often at 35 miles per hour while cars were passing me at 65 miles per hour.

I said I see road signs, and that I am coming into Rye.  She said, "You are almost there."  My sweaty palms and I realized that I was getting near to Payson by this time so I kept up the pace to finally spot the casino at the right of me.  I drove into Payson and went to a Wendy's, and a Coffee Shop where I talked to a couple who answered my questions about other roads going out of Payson.  I did not want to have to climb another damn mountain again.

I calmed down, drove around Payson, found the sheriff's office, and talked to a blonde haired woman there who prob ably  had been the dispatcher on the 911 call.  She calmed me down, told me that 87 was the best route to the Valley.  Since I had already driven it, I knew it would be the only way that I could get back to Mesa so I told her that I had simply kept my eye on the center line all the time, that I have a bit of vertigo, and that I did not dare to look at the railings or the rim of the road.   She told me to keep my eye on the black...she reassured me that I could and would be right to take that road back as it is the shortest and quickest.  Also probably one of the most dangerous, believe it or not.

It is called BeeLine Highway by the way.

Anyway,  I went back to the Casino where I talked to men again who helped me to decide which way to take as I considered another possibility going around Roosevelt Lake, but they convinced me that would not  be smart.  They told me not to let anyone push me and to just get off the side of the road when I needed to take a break.

You have no idea what these roads are like climbing up and down mountains...pure terror for me...so I finally got up my nerve and hit the road to find that a construction site was set up with a sign that read RESPONSE TO EMERGENCY CALL. I waved at that, and saw orange cones lined up down the road, and black oil being painted onto the shoulder.  This lasted for some time, and I would see cars coming behind me so I would turn off onto the side of the road that was blocked off to let them pass, and I would follow them then.  I managed to do this for several miles, knowing and realizing that this is what ADOT had done for me, and so I finally got through the worst of the drive to finally, after a long tense drive, finally got to Fort McDowell, and Fountain Hills where I actually sped up to 45 miles per hour once again. I traveled the mountains as if they were a school zone doing 35 mph much of the time.

I know everyone who passed me hated me, but I did not give one big damn!  I was just determined to get myself through the ordeal and back safe and sound!

So here I am writing it out because it has taken quite the toll on me.  But I am so grateful to ADOT and the sheriff's department in Payson and the guys at the Casino for getting me through it all.

What a hell!  And believe it or not if you look at a map of AZ, Hellsgate is right outside to the east of Payson!

UGH!  Welcome to Arizona!

Moving and packing

I have been working so hard that I am taking today off.  On Friday I will begin moving my books into the storage area ( a garage) until I can get moved into the apartment.   Silly me. I agreed to store my things for awhile until I can get into the apartment which is not until June 7.  I took it that way so now I must live with it.

This business of packing and preparing for a move is very difficult when I find I am a keeper and still am unable to let some things go.  I have given a lot away to GoodWill and the Dove store just to decrease the time and the weight of things to move.  I move on the 20th of the month but I will stay in the apartment until either the 29th or the 30th.  The 31st is my last day and since it falls on a Sunday  I will leave either the preceding Friday or Saturday, not sure which yet.

Much of my stuff is my mother's and I cannot give it away but it is something that I will have to try to sell this coming year if I do not stay here in Arizona.  I plan to look for a more permanent abode that may keep costs down in my old age.  Growing older is hard to do right now as the old body is not amenable to all this hard work but I am getting it done.

I chose the apartment for the price and the amenities.  I think that I should just be nice to myself for a short while, even if only for the 13 months I am leasing the apartment to use.  If I do find a mobile home that will not cost me a leg and an arm I will move to it.  I have to work this out for if I had done that a few years back it would be paid off by now.  But ownership has its problems too so maybe renting is still the best for me.

I am so very tired all the time but for some odd reason keep getting up at 6 in the morning.  I have to take naps during the day then.  But my timer inside is really strange to me right now.

This apartment is being renovated inside and out, and frankly, none of it is for the better.  I do not like the landscaping, the interior flooring that they are now using, so that it is all very ugly to me.  I am happy that I am moving because to pay the sum they want for this is outrageous to me now.

But I terminated my wifi so that I have to come to the clubhouse or if the laundry room does work, to the laundry room to use my computer now.  I do not know what I will do at the new apartment. I have address changes now to make.

That is all for now. I am punch drunk from too much work.