Tonight a pizza man helped me to realize that my apartment number is an anagram of 2016. He was delivering a pizza for 2016 instead of my apartment, and I am not sure now if this is a joke or not. I should have probably said oh yes, how much do I owe you? But I said no I had not ordered a pizza...Dumb me...He said Oh it is for 2016...It took me a while to figure it out! Slow at times.
So it goes...I am now wondering what this year means to me that way now! Will this be a good one or not?
I have resolutions. I must lose weight and I am trying to stick to my intent. It is easy to say oh heck, I don't really need to worry, but believe it or not, I want to be slim this time next year and there is only one way that I can do it. I must watch what I eat. I did go to the store finally after my package from QVC came in. My beautiful Perricone face is anything but beautiful but I tried the four different bottles and am wondering if I may be allergic to one of them. I am thinking I may be. So that will surely change that purchase if it turns out that way.
I sat and listened to Elvis Presley gospel music tonight after a cousin put a song by a child on the Facebook page. I did not like his singing that song at his age. It is for a person nearing his demise, and I found it inappropriate so I wen to hear how it sounds by Presley. Found a lot of old times songs that I had learned as a child.
Death is something that is hard to fathom. My cousin Jim is suffering pancreatic cancer which cannot be surgically removed. He will be undergoing chemotherapy. He has a tumor the size of a golf ball he said on his pancreas. I suspect that he thinks he is dying since he put a video on the Facebook pages to live life as if you are dying. I guess he is pondering that.
I think about death all the time too, which is one reason I am trying to get rid of some of my things that have accumulated over time, but I do not think that my time to go is close at hand yet. My family has a tendency to live long even in illness. My mother luckily did go out fast when it hit her, and that way she did not have to suffer long, but she had been seriously ill for years. I am thinking about her and our last years together all the time. She always worried about who would take care of me and I would always say not to worry I will take care of myself. I realize now that she was right as I can tell I need help in many things yet.
It is one of the tragedies of age that the body does fail you as time passes. Cataracts form on the eyes, joints stiffen, hearing diminishes, and the body just sags too much...when all of life is pretty much behind you and you would like to do so much but the body won't allow it, it becomes very annoying. The mind is find but the aches and pains do affect you, whether it is panicking on a freeway, or a mountain climb, or just walking up the stairs, tripping and falling, old age is a form of punishment to those who live long. The memory works part time, the desire for socializing fades, and for me the only thing that still encourages me is the chance to travel, to see something new, and to do it while still physically able. My mother always said that if she had to use a wheelchair to get around to shoot her.. She knew what she was talking about and very determinedly never let herself get os bad off that she would use a wheelchair. She probably should have but she was stubbornly fighting it all the way to her final day.
I am thinking about all this now myself.
Church is a social organization as well as a religious house of worship, and many friendships are formed there. I have not attended a church service in years, and that means of course that i have made no contributions to any fund that churches administer. It would be easy to get involved and my mother and I both knew that, but neither of us found the need to attend. I won't belabor it but church is a voluntary act, and belief is a personal matter. I found too many church goers to be the worst in behavior praising themselves so highly while behaving abominably. I ran into a group of that type once in Los Angeles at a bus stop when they were absolutely so rude and ugly that i have not forgotten that while they continued to brag on their church attendance. I will never quite forgive them for their sins that way.
So on that note, I am getting into a topic that i do not want to pursue so will close at this time to fix myself some supper.
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