More on HeatWave

The heatwave has been extended to Tuesday now. It got up to 115 today again in various locations in the valley.  It has been so hot that I did not go out today except to go to Walgreen's and finally to come here to the clubhouse tonight. I came here to use the free wifi as I have only a few days and left and a small amount of time. 

I watched a show of the meteor showers that were on photo slides at yahoo but I have not tried to see them at night myself because I know it is impossible unless I go to the fields across from Pima. The lights are too bright around here to see anything in the sky much.

I have not gotten over the loss of Alexander yet at all. In fact, today was much worse for me because I had to walk past the vet's to go to Walgreens and all I could think about is where is he now.  Did they throw him out into the garbage or did they cremate him? I wonder since they had asked about his ashes. I figure that maybe they wanted to see what was wrong and then maybe they do cremate him. I would not know but I suspect that they might want to do an analysis to help their own understanding. Heck, who knows?  I am just upset about it all yet.

Marcello has been very quiet.  I know that he knows that something is different but he has not been his usual meowing self.  He has slept most of the day. He did try to get me up as usual this morning but I could not and did not get up until I had finished my sleep. I cannot be interrupted when I am in deep sleep or it makes me ill.

I threw out the scratching pole. I will buy Marcello a new one.  I changed the litter box and wondered if that could have had anything to do with. I am just wondering why this happened as it had because I had always feared that they would outlive me and wondered what would happen to them. I don't worry about that now at all. I think it is probably a genetic defect of some kind but when one doesn't know the history of the parent cat nobody can ever know.





.

Beauty

I suspect that each one of us believes that we are great judges of beauty.  We all have our own individual attitudes and requirements for what we believe to be beautiful. When beauty is nonthreatening we can honestly enjoy and savor its importance to us.  A bright, vivid sunset is recognized by nearly everyone, and few will ever resent or envy it.  A rose, a rainbow, a lily, even branches of a tree, mountaintops, desert sands, all these are enjoyed with a great deal of pleasure and appreciation.  A dog, a horse, a rabbit, a cat, an animal of any kind can be truly valued for its natural beauty. In fact, that is what I loved so much in Alexander is his exceptional beauty. He had the most glorious eyes, the richest fur, silky and satiny, smooth as silk, luxurious especially in his tale.  He had the most delicate profile, the cutest little boxer type nose, the prettiest sweetest smile which often  played on his delicate face. I loved his beauty alone as well as his great disposition.

Beauty is a joy forever.  It makes one have a happy heart. 

But in a man or woman, if over glamorized, over done, to the point of what appears conceit and vanity, beauty becomes a form of poison, a detriment to others who envy it, and a curse to the one who bears it when it is not done naturally and unselfconsciously. Beautiful women are a joy to see, to stare at, the ponder, and wonder, just as handsome and beautiful men give women and probably other men pleasure too when the bearer of that particular beauty is seemingly natural and confident without seeming to love only himself and his physical appearance.

Both fundamentalist Christians and Muslims stress the improtance of humility, the Muslims to the point of absurdity when it means covering their bodies and faces, hair and other natural physical attributes so that false humility becomes a part of their lifestyle.  However, models and actresses exaggerate and over emphasize the need for so called perfection in physical appearance to the point to where no model or actress can show a wrinkle, a blemish, a sign of physical deterioration at all, and that is when beauty is at its worst, the most poisonous form so that obsession with self appearance becomes annoying and irritating rather than enjoyable, relaxed, and natural.

Because of my cat's natural beauty, I came to understand why it is right to value and appreciate true beauty when perfected to the point of outstanding or extraordinary.  I just loved to look at him, to see him wrap his gorgeous tail around his body, and stand, preening like the little king that he was.  He was just too gorgeous for words. I love him so much in memories now but he was frankly one of the  most beautiful specimens of cats in the world.

I thanked Sandra for giving him to me, to give me that kind of happiness for even a short time.  I am so grateful that I took him in when she offered him. I have loved him more than anyone will ever know as he loved me just as much and just as sincerely.  It is beauty that graces the heart.  To be beautiful from within is the right truest form of beauty for it is in loving that beauty is fully expressed.

The Day After

I am up early this morning.  Yesterday was very traumatic for me. I can hardly believe it all happened so fast.  It went too fast but it was urgent.  I will never know for sure what is the cause of his illness.

I will forgive myself for anything that I have said so far on this topic. I probably was half out of mind with fear and worry, but I won't deny that I was trying to save him, to keep him alive.  But when the vet mentioned ashes I did not even question it. I wonder about that now.  I just was too stunned and too shocked to know what I was doing, but I did not want Alexander to suffer any more than he already had.

The apartment seems empty without him, and I sense that my own life has changed in many ways now.  I cannot explain yet but I am wanting to make great changes already.  It will take me some time to come through all this. I woke up with a headache but it is going away. I do have little Marcello but I don't like for him to be alone either.  But I will not take in another pet yet for some time. 

Like I said, I will forgive myself anything I say now. I am under great stress.

Worst day

I had to put my favorite cat Alexander to sleep today. It had not occurred to me that his weight gain would be a hazard to his health. I do not even know how it is that he became so round but after he was neutered he blossomed into a very large cat, big in the hips and pelvic region, had big paws, but the weight that he gained was unusual but I had heard that happens to cats after being neutered.  In the last three days, I noticed he was not wanting to eat.  He was always a healthy eater.  He had had a bout of internal activity that clearly disturbed me but he would struggle it out to seem to swallow it. It would be ordinarily either ejection of hairballs which had happened one time or else vomit but he seldom vomited but always seem to cough it up to swallow it.  I was hoping that he would eject something since he would not eat at all, and seemed very slow in movements.  His breathing was extremely labored, so I would watch to see if these palpitations slowed down or sped up, and called a vet, both vets in fact, to see if I could get in.  The vet next door said that if I could get him to bring him in so I put him a cart and took him to get examined. I wanted to save him if I could, but after the xrays showed that he had excessive fluid all around his heart, so thick and so dangerous, it was decided that he should be euthanized.  I consented, not wanting him to suffer, knowing that I could not afford to have him drained week after week as was explained was likely to happen, and so I gave him rest and peace.  It has hurt me terribly as I love this cat so much and miss him so much now.  I know that his brother will begin to realize that Alexander won't be around any more. It is a sad night for me to realize that my darling cat who loved me so much is now in spirit instead of in flesh. I know that he loves me and Marcello so much.  We both love him so much. 
I did call Sandra, the girl who gave him to me, and she came over to sit with me a bit as I was in a bad way about it. I had had a microchip put in him if he got lost, was overly protective that nothing ever happen to him, and then this...It is just too much.  But it has its good side. I realize that all those two years were wonderful years together, that maybe we can actually meet friends in people who we can love as much even this late in life also...it has given me a totally new look at life til death. 

I did tell people at Facebook who I know are cat lovers.  They have been so very kind to me, especially Melissa Baird and Lee Ann Sterbick, Linda Clark Lazzeloni, Sandra Thomas, Donna Erskine, Dave Casson, Ashleigh Toumolonis, Judy Perry, and Ruth Kozak and Connie Hainline.   What wonderful friends to have to help when I really have needed it.   God bless you all. 

Heat Wave

Arizona is suffering extreme heat again this week which is supposed to last til Sunday so I won't budge from the apartment until late in the afternoon to attempt to escape the worst of the heat.  It was a slight bit better when I went to Fashion Square to pay my Verizon bill. I checked out the Samsung Galaxy III and mentioned the IPhone 5 that is rumored to be coming out soon. I had read about it on a Verizon website last evening. It sounds super fantastic to me.  I wish I knew what to do now.


Windows 8 is supposed to be coming out in the fall also so I won't even think about buying a computer until I learn what is what in the world of Windows 8 and Apple's latest Mac device.  I think that probably the I pad might be all right but the truth is that I suspect that Apple is far more expensive than any windows computer is.  So it is iffy at best right now.


Sunflower has now changed to become Sprouts and because I wanted a Big Gulp at Circle K I missed the trolley so went to Sunflower now Sprouts to buy some blueberries for 2 for $3.00, a really good price, and some lettuce for salads.

I tried Whole Foods the other day for organic foods and will probably never do that again. I am not that much a health nut to think that organic foods are truly better for me than some other vegetable or fruit or chicken even.  Maybe so, but I am convinced that our bodies adapt and that we all become immune to some extent of all the chemicals used to preserve food.

I defy anyone to tell me that if we listen to every warning there is that we will simply become crazy for it all.  Every time we turn around there is some new fear propagated by the media that I just turn it off and refuse to listen any longer.  If we listened to everything, we would literally shut down and eat nothing at all.

I don't think eating at Subway is healthier than eating at some other fast food store but a little bit of advertising convinces people that it does. 
 
 I look fairly decent for a woman my age, and I realize how old I am getting, especially when I keep pulling the same stunts repeatedly at grocery stores. I always start to walk off, leaving my bags on the counter top so that the girl tonight had to bring my bag to me...God bless her.  I forget that they are not in the cart if they don't put them there.

Oh well, that is due to old age, and too much distraction.  Just having to cope in old age!

Working on Novel

Wow! I just blocked out the second book to the novel on Alexander. I do not know until I get all the drafts completed how long this will be but most likely it will become a series of books.  It is actually more and more fascinating as I study it and try to develop a story about it.
In addition to the factual blocks which I just wrote out on my blogspot, I am writing storylines on word pad which are in tune with the factual information.  It takes on many different styles and presentations. 

But the facts have to be outlined so that each one can produce a different story that can be developed from it.  This is a most exciting time in Alexander's development as a ruler/leader because he is still idealistic, young, eager, enthusiastic, and naive in his approach to the tasks set before him.  He has to learn that he has had many enemies, so that he grows in his comprehension of the forces that are all around him.

One thing that is missing from such a discussion is the attitude of the soldiers in his military.  Those stories must be developed as we proceed but for now we at least have the movement from one place to another, and the emerging character of Alexander unfolding before our eyes.

Heat Spell

The temps are so high here that it is unbearable. I can hardly stand to walk from my apartment to the laundry room when it is this hot. I have not yet checked my mail, but I did finally get the nerve to go to Walmart's this afternoon to get some few things for my cat and myself.  I needed catfood, as we go through it so fast, and these picky kitties eat only certain kinds of food anymore, having become spoiled so much.  And I needed paper towels and bread.  So I bought two loaves of bread to last a couple weeks.  I got on the trolley when the man told me that it was overheating so he had to stop to let it cool down which is why he was late. I thought that he was early rather than late but did not argue with him about it.  I just wanted to be where it is cool.

It has taken me four hours to recover from that darn heat and I am not fully recovered yet. It saps all the strength from me, so that I do not want to do the laundry at all yet and still have not ventured out to see if I have any mail or not.

I thought about going to the clubhouse to use the wifi and watch the Olympic games but the heck with it. I  want the comfort of relaxation inside my own room so that I can get into the fridge if need be.

I began writing my next draft on the second part of Alexander's life in my novel. It may end up a series of books.  But I have begun where he finally has the authority to exercise his will in the coming days in gaining the approval of all of Greece so that he can invade Persia after he consolidates and conquers each and every surrounding nation neighbor to Greece.

I am off and running as they say.   I hope I can find a way to get this material printed as I write it.  I have to figure that problem out next.