I am up early this morning. Yesterday was very traumatic for me. I can hardly believe it all happened so fast. It went too fast but it was urgent. I will never know for sure what is the cause of his illness.
I will forgive myself for anything that I have said so far on this topic. I probably was half out of mind with fear and worry, but I won't deny that I was trying to save him, to keep him alive. But when the vet mentioned ashes I did not even question it. I wonder about that now. I just was too stunned and too shocked to know what I was doing, but I did not want Alexander to suffer any more than he already had.
The apartment seems empty without him, and I sense that my own life has changed in many ways now. I cannot explain yet but I am wanting to make great changes already. It will take me some time to come through all this. I woke up with a headache but it is going away. I do have little Marcello but I don't like for him to be alone either. But I will not take in another pet yet for some time.
Like I said, I will forgive myself anything I say now. I am under great stress.
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