Can't Sleep

This has been one heck of a night.  I have been awake all night and finally decided that I should at least write it out rather than just lay in bed and think it out.   After hitting Facebook any number of times, I would try to fall asleep but with no success so I am penning this now to see if it will help.

One thing is that I am always uncertain whether to share with others things that I learn about myself in ways that are unorthodox at best. I know the skepticism that such revelations cause in people and am in sympathy with that.  Therefore, I often decide that it is best to keep such things to myself.

Authors can use books as devices to convey messages.  To at least try to show a point of view that is not often considered.  For example tonight I was thinking about the witches who practiced black magic and the priests who helped them perform black masses. Priests who had fallen out of the favor and belief in the real faith...but who knew enough to reverse it and practice the art of blasphemy and black magic.    I was thinking about them with regards to Louis XIV and wondering at how they may have laughed and chortled thinking that their spells could be working on the man.

I had had another look back in time two or three nights ago after taking some selfies of myself to put on my wall. I have been keeping a running ongoing daily glimpse at my physical appearance over the years to see how I change in various environments.

So when I went to bed after taking three photos and posting them I heard my inner voice, my spiritual guide, and if I were writing book I could call it a god or goddess appeared but in this case, I just heard the voice say to me, look back to see yourself ...I understood...so while i was going off into sleep I did see two visions that appeared to me revealing how I had looked in a previous time...and naturally I recognized who it was...

I saw myself in that person when young and was so surprised to learn something new about this person that I had not known until now...it did surprise me as my hair was extremely long...a lot like the way certain male tribe members wear their hair in past times as well...My hair was down to my hips but the later vision I saw was of a dreadful face tormented, haggard, worn, tired, and frankly almost murderous looking, very frightening in a way...the hair was not so long but was straggly and unkempt...later I decided that it could have been after the death of his best friend...because I truly felt sorry for him then...and I learned such a powerful lesson from it.

So between the two, thinking about Alexander and Louis realizing that both had lost many close friends and associates in their later years, I could see some similarities in a pattern...of loss and anguish.

But Alexander in his mature years was so different from his youthful appearance...he had matured and developed of course but all the wars and battle scars seemed to show through his visage as I saw it, and I realized how and why men were frightened of him.  He was awesome to me.

It made me think about the Now, the present in which I have had such a very mild life despite having a lot of problems during my childhood and young adult years.  I was grateful immediately that I had not had to suffer any of the pangs that either Louis or Alexander had endured.   Two different lifetimes but oh so weary and long in so many ways...I could go on and on but stating this has helped me so that maybe now i can go to sleep.