I was thinking the other morning while taking my shower that probably most suicides are not as crazy as people try to make them out to be. I could understand well why a man such as Hemingway just up and one day took a shotgun out to end his life. It was a decision that he made...One always wonders why it is that successful people seem never to enjoy their successes but instead often times seem to end in tragedy. It is only a tragedy to the living who have to bear the grief of it, but to the person who ended his life, it may be a decision for which when at the end of his life and already into the next stage, may find relief and even joy for all we know...None of us who still remain in the flesh can or should try to rationalize the end of another just simply because we do not understand it.
I am at that age where I do full well understand why it is that to end one's life is a decision, not a state of depressions, but a recognition that life is taking a different turn in the road to where many of life's endless surprises will no longer satisfy or fulfill the mind or the soul of the particular individual.
Now it is likely that I have come to this decision only because I have examined past lifetimes of notable personalties whether they be that of merely a unique ability on my part to come to invade their private lives for some divine reason or because perhaps it is a case of rebirth and memory...one can only speculate, and one can choose to believe whatever it is that one wants to satisfy the novelty of such an experience. But because of it I am convinced that life is eternal, that souls are fixed in time and place for such a one as I to know of a soul in times past...As a result, I am fairly confident that future lives are there for any and all of us whether we know it or like it or not...so death is not quite the fearsome thing or the most hopeful thing that most of us anticipate it to be.
I am not suicidal in any way. I do see that the day will come when I will no longer inhabit this piece of flesh on earth. I have not yet made my end ready because I still have to make plans on how to finish my days, make out a will, and to make out plans for burial...I have done none of those things always believing I suppose that I still have time. I do not have that much time left so I will be tending to those things asap...when I can and do make the time to do it.
I am even putting off going to social security office but I will wend my way over there today to see when I can get in to see someone about my problem...so it will get done before the day is done I am thinking.
I can't get anyone on the phone to answer so I guess I will have to see if anyone there can help me at all.
I guess I got off the topic of Hemingway and his suicide, didn't I?
He was a celebrated man, had seen war, had known experiences that enriched people's lives when he wrote about them, but for some reason, at the end of his life, he decided to make his final chapter one of a simple act, pulling the trigger on himself. He went out with a bang...maybe he was overly dramatic, but he at least caught the world's attention, and left in spectacular fashion. For a journalist, I imagine that says a lot.
It is a decision he made. He knew what he was doing. He made his final statement...People ever since draw their own conclusions...None of which are probably ever going to be right.
I maintain that a rational, sane person can make that same choice simply because he decides he has had enough. He didn't let someone else do it for him or to him. He did it himself. It was his choice to make.
For many that proves that success is not always the most important thing in life. One cannot live on one's laurels. One should always go out on top is a belief held by many. Maybe Hemingway did not want to descend into the abyss of oblivion and the lot of a has been. One can never know. He just simply was successful, and ended it all with a bullet.
Others since have tried and failed, and some have succeeded. A woman yesterday tried to take her children and herself into the ocean in a desperate attempt to end her life. She is under psychiatric care right now, suffering from desperation at such a young age. What prompted her decision? Did she think she would succeed in drowning her kids? One wonders...
Each and every case is individual. Life is never easy on anyone it turns out...We all have our burdens, our problems, our own particular woes...some of us share them, some of us don't. But sooner or later we all feel them.
As I said I am not suicidal at this time in my life, but I do see that if I come to a point to where I would want my life to end, I would probably have the ability to do it without the aid of a doctor as so many have wanted in the past. I could do it to myself alone and without assistance. There are many ways to end one's life quietly, whether going out and catching pneumonia, taking pills, or using a device as a shotgun or pistol...the idea is terrible to so many but it is something that we must learn how to handle, and not make it to be that the person was always in a state of depression. Most depressed people are not suicidal, just down and discouraged....Suicide is often an act of courage as a few do realize...it takes courage to end a life that was spent doing good to others and that was successful. We must give Hemingway that much as he was probably of sound mind when he acted.