I was in a discussion about the lesson that coming to learn of times past and having the ability to find myself in the person of historical men of the past means to me.
First of all, once learned, it never leaves my consciousness or awareness. It will always remain with me so long as I am able to recall these events. I pursued them because I wanted to learn if reincarnation were true and who I would have been had I lived in the past at any time. I had no idea who I would uncover but I had had my solar plexus lead me to books in the library that certainly helped to open the door to those times in the past...I truly enjoyed all that time that i spent there even though it meant putting myself to sleep to undergo the experience.
What a joy it had been for me to learn that indeed all that time in a person could be relived as I did find myself enjoying many vivid experiences, and then I was so happy to believe that I had really been that person in whose body I found myself, and I admit that it stills continues to make me happy to know that I have unearthed my own self.
But tonight on NBC hearing Sharkira refer to herself as an Alexander the Great I was suddenly alerted to how so many refer to people of the past with an ease and comfort revealing that they truly know nothing about that person at all or they would not be quite so quick to identify with that person.
Alexander was the most difficult of all the people who I have encountered to actually accept and eventually to like...He is a most difficult person to fathom but I have spent so many hours in him, trying to decide whether to admit that I had really been him in that time. He is overblown now in terms of all the stories about him and he is often misunderstood. But I found that eventually I could admire and even like him but it took many times to finally realize that...He is a multifaceted personality.
Once on a gurney his animated personality while convalescing actually helped to lift me out of depression after I had moved from my family's home to an apartment.
I loved Louis XIV so much because he is a fun and enjoyable person to find myself in and I really have enjoyed my time in his life best of any...He knew how to be a great king and I admit that over and over. While Alexander knew true determination, had an indomitable will, Louis knew how to relax and enjoy life in his court. Alexander never even truly started a court, which is one of the many faults that one can pick with him...He had too much of a wanderlust and could never settle down in one place long enough to hold court. No wonder that some of his men grew frustrated and angry with him.
Yet when I am in Alexander, I understand his need to fulfill his ambition which is to conquer the world to make it his own. Some of his energy and his desires are still very strong within me even in this lifetime...
But Louis XIV did not have that wanderlust and was well contained but it came out of him with his building programs and even probably some of his wars...He too wanted to conquer and to be grand, but he was limited in territory on all that he could do.
However, the sweetest and nicest of the men whose lives I enjoyed is that of George Washington whose love and devotion to the American cause touches me more than any of the other attributes of the other warrior men. His love for his men which was revealed to me in a farewell to his officers touched me and made me wake up crying...I learned who Colonel Knox is, and just as with Parmenio and Philotas I will not divulge that classmate female's name either. But she is a woman today and a long time friend from elementary school throughout high school.
I do not repeatedly mention Julius Caesar or Genghis Khan...I had only a few moments where each of those personalities became known to me, and I did not pursue either to any great degree simply because I had learned that both Louis XIV and Alexander took so much time and energy...I need only a few moments to know that each of those other men have made their appearance to me as well. Often I felt like I was in a judgement period, learning each one of these men's souls and evaluating them...I felt like it is judgement day, and these men are parading through me...So I have many different ways of perceiving these events that actually occurred to me...it was at Caesar's Palace when Caesar's spirit welled up in me so that I walked for a long time as Caesar had walked and I was literally helpless to do anything about it but wait until it left me...I never understood that or why it happened at all. I have wondered if their souls or spirits did not just empty themselves into me...I just know that I experienced that and have learned that it can control you in a way that could be a problem as I could not just make it go away...it had control of me and my walk. I did see him in a trance situation at which time I saw his robe, his house on the Palatine Hill, and his most beautiful wife...he was in a chariot with a laurel crown on his head, but frowning and annoyed as the chariot was leaning to one side...he had problems and was angry but at a great distance away..I sometimes think he is trying to make himself known to me many times here in this apartment...
Through Genghis Khan I decided to stop any and all attempts to go back in time again...They do appear in spontaneous memories but Genghis Khan had a powerful impact on me, and through him and cromagnan man I learned the fear that they had suffered...one with a saber toothed tiger, and the other through war elephants...I never felt such fear as they had experienced.
Ironically, one of the things that I learned most of all is that lifetimes are often seemingly very similar to one another. In all the men, I can find likenesses and similarities that easily tie them together, and surprisingly enough, even with a change in gender, despite none of us any longer being military, we are all sharing friendships and relationships that link to times past...I was surprised to learn that.
Why it is that I feel that my life today is equal to those of the past is because that it is in this life that I now live I have learned of all of these times when I had been a military officer and leader...it is this life that has relived those lives and now understands them and accepts them as I do. I do refer to them in the third person and now discuss them just as other historians do without interjecting my belief that I had been them then but am now myself who is only bitterly complaining about the circumstances of my present life...
The thing I realize most of all is that I am only those people in a trance, and in a stage of sleep where I can be a part of that time period which is buried deep within me. Naturally, when I write of those times, I inadvertently unload things from within that I consciously do not know and am not even aware of...one of the reasons it is fun when I begin to write to see what it is that will come out when I open that door. But I often close it up, being so afraid that I am misunderstood, or spied upon, or booed, hissed, and mocked.
But when I am awake today I am myself, all woman, with womanly fears, hopes, and dreams even at this old age...we still dream and hope...surprise that the aging process does not affect that very much.
I still have to struggle with my problems, pay my bills, clean my house, launder my clothes, and cook my meals...I don't have a maid to do it for me. And that is where and why I am thinking about how I am going to manage as I get older and older. Because it does get harder and harder...
But some things have changed for me now...some of my problems are few in comparison to others...but I still need friends, love, and understanding as does everyone...I am no different because I am who I am today...a woman whose knowledge of the past may strike fear in those who wonder what if she is really right and telling the truth....because why in the world would I be so stupid as to lie about anything such as what I am saying...I have been there. I know them. And I believe that it is because God wanted me to know myself for myself...so be it.
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