Moving Day

I am living in the worst of times...moving again. I have been packing, sorting, trying to decide which to keep, and which to throw away...I can not ever let go of some things for some silly reason, but this time I will part with a lot of paperwork from my teaching years. I kept a lot of stuff that I collected over time, but now I believe it will finally become a part of trash.

I just learned about the upcoming Alexander exhibition which will be held at the Louvre this coming fall through Christmas and New Years. I have every intention of going to Paris once again, but learning from the first experience I will change everything that I did in a week's time and hope for a longer visit as well.

Immediately, I have had to deal with social security again, and as I had gone through it earlier I cannot understand why I am having such a problem with this interviewer as I think she is plainly ridiculous in many ways. I will probably comment on this later.

For all my years of study, writing my own short stories, attempts at novels, and such, I have yet to try to publish any but one of them. I wrote a short novel about the youth of Alexander this past fall and have to return to rework it. I am not really ready for it to undergo the process of publication either. I have a lot more to do with it as it now stands. But this exhibition is interesting in its timing and I do intend to try to see it.

I have stated my experiences many times, and the one thing that happens with passing time is that like wet concrete, the certainty of having had the visual and audio experiences that I encountered in my personal soulsearching has become very cemented, hardened, and concrete to me. I believe in my inner knowledge and self awareness totally now...something that at first I was also wanting to know if it were true or not, but with the passing of time, the acquistion of knowledge of more facts, the more sure I have become.

It is not difficult for me any longer to understand that today and today's contacts, interpersonal relationships, etc. is far more important to dealing with the present time than any of the lives that I may have lived in the past, but the simple truth is that unlocking those lives helped me to better understand this time period and my current position in life amongst and with other people in our society.

Because of a situation that occurred at the Louis XIV discussion group I became aware that there may be people who actively do not want to consider that a soul can have lived previously in a different personna and role, and so I am well aware that this kind of experience probably should be kept to one's self.

However, for me, the joy of finding myself in a previous lifetime gave me great insights into the person whose body I was inhabiting at the time. It has become such a part of me that I understand well why each person should maintain and keep a personal journal for himself that only he alone can appreciate. Usually, that would mean the expression of intelligence that one has about a subject as well as the expression of emotions that engulfs one when having to deal with conflicts, surprises, pleasures, etc.

In other words to be honest with one's self, one should express one's own candid thoughts so that one can truly understand them. For example, I have been very angry ever since my dad attempted his act of suicide and the way my brother and dad handled my living arrangements. At present, I am having to move to keep costs down but also to have a one bedroom apartment instead of the studio which I have been dwelling in. My anger level is quite high, and my irritation level is such that minor annoyances can truly disturb me. It is quite easy to forget the time that I believed that God manifested himself to me in my one bedroom shortly after I visited St. Mary's church. At this point in time, all I can do is struggle to get through each day, as I am very tired most of the time, lacking sound sleep to let me feel truly rested, and I am grouchy and irritated as heck, and vengeful to say the least.

My cat both helps me and hurts me in the process. Yesterday, he was so sweet as he came up to me while I was halfawake early in the morning, and planted a sweet kiss right on my mouth and quickly jumped back to see what I would do. I was so touched by that that it stayed with me all day. This morning, he was misbehaving, clawing and scratching at the bedding which is a huge NONO and all day today, he has been bad boy getting into trouble with me. He actually found and opened the plug to the air mattress which is why I cannot let him claw and scratch on it.

But he is an important outlet for me. I have also found some good friends here at this apartment complex which has helped me a lot. Tonight three of us had dinner out to celebrate Lee's birthday. It was a very nice evening and went very well.

I learned that when one attempts to go back in time, one cannot ever know what one will experience in that moment. So if I ever return to this lifetime, I doubt that this moving period would be the occasion that I would remember, but I would know myself well enough to know that my emotional feelings would be such that I would recognize myself. I learned a few things that way from my having lived in ATG or Louis XIV. Because each man is so significant in World History, I became aware that others may think I have a narcissistic complex of some kind or other. Thanks to Horvallis and Alecker23 I learned of that. I am sure that there are those who would think that but that is their problem to consider, not mine.

I just know that I lived in a person whose records proved to me that that person had been Louis XIV, and that is true of Alexander as well but in a different way. His identity became known to me before I actually lived his life experiences as I had done.

But one moment at the Battle of Tyre proved to me that only I could have understood the me in Alexander then and the same me in today's life as we are equally one and the same in that respect, and it convinced me more than anything that I am the same then as I am now.

That is a great revelation, and I realize how much Alexander is misunderstood by people who do not understand him. It is amazing to look at one's self in that light and to realize the truth about yourself. Life gives us many different challenges and this lifetime is very similar in many ways but at a different level and place in life.

I can never quite describe fully the pleasure in reliving a moment in time, except that it is satisfying to know that one can have a recollection and can be able then to find evidence to prove that it did happen as I relived it. It makes these people very personally important to me, because otherwise, I would just toss them off as another name to know for a history lesson. Reliving them makes them more than just a name, an object, but they become truly people to me.

In the end, I have learned that they are myself manifested in a different time period, in a different body, and in a different role in life. The fact that they are world leaders did make me realize how preposterous it would sound to others, and I began to realize that soul is a mystery that only time helps to reveal, and that some are chosen for a specific purpose that is finally eventually realized.

Well, I must close...Just writing this helps me clear up a headache I have now and then...wrestling with the devil we call it at times, don't we?