I straightened up my bookshelves, and took out all the books, arranged them according to topic, size, and hardback or paperback, and am awestruck at how much money and time I have put into the lives of men who I would never have given even a small thin dime to consider years ago...it has told a lot to me about myself, and my need to know everything I can about this experience of living the life of a past personality. I certainly let it take control of my reading and buying habits, and am totally amazed at myself. To top it off, I even began to write a novel about one of them, and am still in the process of determining how far I will go with that effort now.
I am at the age to where I want to get rid of the past totally anyway, so it is a bit of shock to realize how I really became so involved in this study, and how it affected me for so long. I would think that I had lost my senses and gone daft too if I did not know the process by which I came to this point. It is utterly ridiculous to see how many books that I have on the topics of Louis XIV and Alexander the Great. I have a few on George Washington but I never let him have that much impact on my buying or reading as I simply did not want to get into that era after I spent time in Virginia studying each nook and cranny there. Once resolved, one does not really care to drown in the past as I have appeared to have done with both Louis XIV and Alexander.
What truly amazes me more than anything else is that anyone really gives a damn about any of these men as much as it is obvious that some people do. I wonder at why. Is it out of a desire to create a book? a desire to understand the person? a drive to satisfy the university's demand to publish? what? I really wonder at the number of people who have succumbed to the temptation to write a book of any kind regarding the topic.
I have always believed that most of history is probably only 75% accurate if even that much. Probably more than likely 60% accurate, and the rest is mumbo jumbo.
I always have to laugh about the dependency upon the sources for the history of Alexander since like the Bible, most of today's knowledge is based upon books written, actually copied, some 400 years after he lived. It makes it very unlikely that more than 50% accuracy could even be hoped for regarding his life.
So in the end, I don't rely very much upon historical data as being any more credible than so called "dream" or "regressive" experiences may be. I have had people criticize me for my "dream" like state of learning about these people from yesteryear.
The point is that the "dreamlike" state is much more compelling than some history writer's cold and so called objection reporting can ever be, and makes it much more likely that a personal interest will be made to study the life of this person. Without all that "inner" knowledge which I have excavated from within my base of knowledge I have at least acquired an interest in a subject that frankly would bore me and leave me cold. The history books are just too speculative anyway to suit my fancy. And a personal involvement is always the real way to gain an interest in any suject, no matter whether a person, a place, or an event.
My "soul" is really what is more important to me than some history books record keeping ability.
Not wanting entirely to get into discussions of good and evil, I am just wondering why it is that we try to turn a god into a passive little breeze instead of a violent and active hurricane or tornado when using the wind as a metaphor for god.
So on that note, I will close...Moving has opened my eyes a bit to how really strangely I have behaved since making this inner journey. My bookshelves betray me as being very self-absorbed...and I find that very unattractive also...but again, truth seekers are never very attractive to indifferent attitudes.
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