For years I went around warning everyone in my presence to be aware that anything said around me would be used on t.v., in the movies, or in books and magazines. I have been aware of this ever since I was teaching in Azusa. It had a very negative effect on me after a while. I can sit and cite every single t.v. show that used me and my friends dialogue, statements, comments, anything that was audible as a part of their show. It was my students who made me fully aware of it. So long as I was working I did not care. I have always had several viewpoints about it...so what? good for them? not good for them? is it good for me? is it good for anyone? So the latest proof of that is a movie released in 1996 that I just finally saw thanks to going to the library. Movies are generally seen due to a love of an actor who appears in it, or a good review of the film, or the topic or subject appeal. It was probably the fact that Richard Gere appears in this film that I decided to see it.
The movie is Primal Fear. This movie is right up my alley. I suppose if there is a movie that I could sue and possibly make my case it would be this one...I am trying to decide how to take it now that I have finally seen it.
Let me explain a few things. I once upon a time did say that the story of my life is in the box, the t.v., and all I have to do is to turn it on to see a slice of it. I will always be able to find myself cut up and dissected in many ways in many different movies that have made their way into theatres everywhere. I always know myself very well.
Someone in Florida, (Candy Reed) asked me why you? You know I had no answer. I do not know...why me? lucky rabbit's foot maybe? They won oscars, emmies, you name it, made money, whatever, and so I do not truly know. But it is not just me...it is others around me as well.
Primal Fear, the movie that I just saw, goes far enough to use my first name and part of my last name to make me wake up to see what is happening. (My favorite name for years and one I have used as a pseudonym in writing is Laura). So happens that Laura Linney plays the role of Janet Venable in this movie. She even ends up suffering something that I have suffered more than one time in my life from the hands of a close relative who I could see in this film has been equally as studied and imitated to use in this film.
Should I do something more about this? I do not know what to do. It did impact me a lot. It was traumatic for me to watch. I made a big scene years ago about gays in the Catholic church with my god child and his mother...That became a part of Designing Women. It has struck me odd that all these movies came out in the Clinton administration. I was always annoyed with the producers of Designing Women for using my visit with my god child and his mother and his brother in that episode of Designing Women. I felt that my privacy had been invaded. So now I see that it has been carried over and used in this film Primal Fear. Only at least in this case, I can understand why it is that Roger Mahoney today of the Los Angeles diocese is being investigated and charged with malfeasance regarding sexual molestation in the Catholic church. Interesting that Jack Mahoney of Frasier fame is starring in Primal Fear.
It proves to me that my home had been used to write a variety of books and movies and I am positive of it for a fact.
Yes, I do sound a lot like the prosecutor in this film. I saw the likenesses. I know why Chicago. Just recently my hometown showed a picture of the train station in VWO that I recognize as the same station I came back from Chicago on years ago after working at a country club there for millionaires. That is where I lost my innocence. Yes I was innocent! But I lost it!
Am I happy? About any of this? Happiness is a strange word...I thought about the film maker and the story itself, and why it was written. I thought about all the ramifications of it. I thought how it would hurt my family member were he to know of it. I thought at last they got something right.
Yes, I saw the truth in that movie...It is a bit of a spinoff of a soap opera on ABC also when a girl goes a bit mad and hacks away....I guess it is easy to go mad on mother earth when the prison cell is so tightly and carefully supervised and watched as some cells appear to be...There is no home on the planet that is not a cell of some kind.
The author carefully plots and plans a way to vindicate everyone in this sorry drama. I hope that whoever wanted me to see this has finally some satisfaction...I can say, Yes....I got screwed all right!
I nearly got killed several times but prayer and God saw me through it...do I now free the tormented soul who did this to me? You bet your sweet ass I do...I hope that when he dies, he finally has a chance to forgive himself.
So it goes...I now understand why I had to learn of past lives...I know very well the truth of that, and yes, sometimes, each lifetime is separate and apart from the previous but the carryover is such that each one of us learns how to continue in our eternal journey throughout time and space...this time period is nearly over for those of us who are depicted in this film...as the saying goes, the guilty fox knows its own hole!
Yes, God bless Fran and Brian and Sean...let us pray that we clean up the filth and dirt of the Catholic church.
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