Marriage

I had many boyfriends during my life. I had many crushes, many hopes, many dreams.  I have had many men promise or threaten to marry me. I avoided that commitment quite successfully when young as I had had a dose of what married life really offers to one when I was only 14 and I knew then and there that much of marriage is nothing but disappointment and heartache.

I babysat neighbor's children to earn some pocket money from early childhood, so that I knew all about babies, and changing diapers, nursing bottles, and crying and squalling, shrieking, and screaming early on.  I did not enjoy it.  Babies are delightful creatures. I loved the smell of baby powder whenever I had to take a babies soiled "nappy" off him, and put on a fresh one.  I loved to clean his little bottom, spread ointment on his legs and tummy, sprinkle a dose of powder, and then carefully fold the diaper, pin it into place, and hold him in my arms. I  did this so often I was like a little mother when I was just ten years old.

In my day, we made very little money at it, but then things were not that expensive for the needed items that we worked to earn.

But when I had to stay at night, watch the nursing bottles stand in the sink, watch the diapers pile up in the laundry basket, watch my aunt Doris squeeze her breasts to get the milk out, listen to her and her husband, my uncle, talk and explain the problems of birthing, I began to realize that having a baby is more than just putting him into a bed at night for sleeptime, or a baby buggy during the day to take out and stroll, a baby to feed to hold in your arms to burp him and cuddle him, but that it became gradually a pain in the neck, an annoyance at night when baby cries, and you have to get up, find out what is causing the tears, and knowing that this routine is soon without end...for every day you wake up, there is another bottle to fill, another diaper to change, and another round of burping to keep baby healthy and happy. 

After three months of that,  I decided that having a baby, being a mother, is not the ideal choice for a child so young.

My aunt was only three years older than I at that time, and I did not want to follow in her footsteps.

I loved little David, and his older brother Danny was only a year old at that time too. Danny was good as gold, but he was totally forgotten with the new baby who had to be fed and diapered.  Cousin Rita was about four years old then and lived next door.  So during that summer, I had both David and Danny to care for while Rita was next door to come visit if she could. I looked after all three at that time when I was only 14 years old myself.

I have never forgotten that.  Teenagers having kids is just typical in that time period.  Most kids wanted to be all grown up.  Those were the days!  Kids dropped out of school at 16 and had to make it on their own.  It was only after I graduated from college and went to California where I learned that a law had been made in that state that kids could not be high school dropouts. By law, they had to finish their education if not in a regular school, at a special continuing education type school for misfits who failed to fit into the regular school system.

One does get an education of a different kind when one becomes a parent of a child.  There is no substitute for on the job training as  mother when caring for one's cousins.  I learned then and there the hardships that the young have when they decide to age too soon, too fast.  But my family had always been that way...we did everything when we were young that we could...thrill seekers all.

It is now when I look back, after visiting with my dad in Colorado, that I realize how happy I am that I avoided marriage and family in my life.  Doris and Frank had taught me well the hazards of marriage  and birthing.  I love Danny and David as if they were my own because of that summer spent caring for them. I am proud to say that they are great kids.  They are both wonderful sons to their proud mom and pop who are now with my mom in afterlife land.  We keep in touch to this day!


Yes, like Frank Sinatra's old song of That's Life.  Sex, Yes, I have had a few, too many to mention...So many men in my life but none to wed...we tried, a few, but oh, how we lied, so we knew that we could back out of it and did...thank Heaven that we had good sense to know that tied to one another was not the way to be...staying free, feeling free, knowing that there are good men and bad, I always realized that none could ever be to me all that I would want...only my uncles were ever the model men who I love and cherish yet...I was always too good to be true, too dependable, too reliable, too sweet, too kind, too easy to love, too easy to control, until they came to know me, when they soon learn that I am too difficult, too intelligent, too independent, too free, staying true to being only me.

I have always loved good men, ornery like my uncle Frank, kind like my uncle Jim, quiet like my dad, tender like my brother....no man can ever be all men...but the last man who cared for me and about me recently has been both my dad and my brother...Bryce kept his mouth shut and didn't argue, Dad didn't argue but once, but both knew to be kind for this was probably the last they would see me for some time...maybe ever in the case of my dad...So men!  dang them all! short, tall, sweet, sour, nasty and mean, or loving and kind, women just can't live without them!  They have to learn to appreciate me more than they like to admit that they must!  Maybe my dad learned a lesson...maybe my brother learned a lesson...who knows?  They may think what they will but being free is best!