One of those Nights

I was falling asleep while watching Jimmy Kimmel tonight.  But once i got into my bed, I find I cannot fall to sleep at all. I have been up all night long.  Pain in the butt but it is one of those recurring problems.

I have so many things on my mind these days.  First, moving is traumatic.  It took me so long to box everything, separate the boxes to be loaded by the pros and the boxes that I would carry over myself, and so during all that time, doing it entirely by myself, I did it slowly and calmly, promising to save my sanity.  One can go crazy when trying to determine what one should keep and what one should throw out. I remember leaving so many records behind when I moved out of Tampa Bay as to make myself sick.  Remembering that then reminds me of when my brother not so nicely just decided to throw out all my book books when I was moving out of my house in Scottsdale to an apartment. I still do not forget that memory and was reminded of it by the exterminator man the other day.  

And the truth is that I am tired of materialism, which is a sure sign that I am realizing how soon none of it will have any importance to me at all. Odd that i still felt the need to hold onto some things that i have acquired.

Meaning of course I figure that i have a few years left in this tired old body but time passes so swiftly that those few years will be here and gone before you know it.  Time just does not let up.

I never really let people know me very well, and as a result, when anyone who does not know me well but just assumes that they do learns anything about me that surprises them, I am both dismayed and pleased.  Fooled you, didn't I?  I am thinking about a comment that a neighbor made when looking at my boxes for moving...I could not help but wonder what did they expect?  Jane and I may be old but we are both still able to take care of ourselves. Jane is my 80+ year old neighbor who also had to pack and move all her stuff even though she chose to stay at the apartment where she has lived for the past 8 years. I chose to leave, and happy that I did.

The insulation is so good here that the heat is not a problem for me even during the hottest days. The glass windows are so well insulated they do not get hot.  I can run the a.c. only during the day and I am comfortable at night. I cannot hear the apartments behind me or above me, and I have some nice amenities like a washer dryer that I like so that in the end, it is a good move. I am feeling better about it all the time.

I just tapped into an old discussion group I once haunted.  I even read one of my posts, back when I knew nothing at all about this topic...my journey into the past of ATG.

I see that I was very forthcoming there about my experiences which are still vivid in my memory when like the cook book problem are rekindled.  I can remember both as clear as a bell.

But I have changed over the course of time.  Thinking about it now, I have a sense of humor about the earth spinning around the sun for centuries, and watching spiritual entities attempt to rule the world popping every so often on a regular basis to wear the flesh for a short time while doing the work that needs to be done to bring order and harmony into the world.  Ha Ha Ha Ha.

In the end, it did turn out to be important for me to take those spiritual journeys back in time to understand not only the then of it, but also the now of it.  Oh, Heavens, to think that life is nothing but repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat!  I did learn that much for positive sure, and have a gleaning of what may be next for this poor old soul, but the stretch is always the state of the flesh.  In this lifetime, I may outlive all the previous lifetimes, and I am wondering for what good purpose....

I am a very strong willed person.  I have always been that way.  My will will be done.  That more or less ays it all to me.  My will will be done.  And on that note, I will close this thought process to maybe pursue and continue it later when in the mood.

I realize I am at war with many people, but I am more than just people.  I know that.  My will will be done.

History has given us many gods, religious beliefs, superstitions, dictators, and other rites and rituals to confound and confuse mankind as mankind progresses.  Truth is always the same.  Laws are immutable once begun.  Natural laws, spiritual laws.  Learning of the spirit is the time when man learns to recognize that while dust returns to dust, a part of him continues to live and travel through time, a part of him that never ceases to be, and that part of him is his spirit, his ghost, his true self.

Lies are usually born of ignorance, deceit, and arrogance.  Thus, mankind recognizes hierarchies in social living according to one's talents, or innate leadership qualities.  The ego falsifies the importance of each of these existing talents, whether it be scientific, creative, expressive, or laborious, and tries to assign a value to each.  The true free spirit knows its own value and falls for none of these pretexts.  But it takes a long time to reach that point in one's lifetime.  So taken in by the flesh and the false value given to it, mankind falsely assumes that the farmer is lesser or greater than he is, that the physician is greater or lesser, that the teacher, the musician, the housewife, etc. etc.etc. is of high or low value.  Value may end up meaning compensation, or it may mean simply recognition and honor.  No matter which it is determined to be, in spirit it is truly free and knows its own true worth.

End of spiritual communication....the hand is the tool!