Mulling over the past

To be honest, I had forgotten about this time when I had gone back to relive this speech which I did actually give in its entirety in my session in that time spot...I was dumbfounded when I awoke to remember it all and to realize how mistaken I had been about the gist of this entire episode. I have learned most of all in these experiences that the written word does not ever convey the true gravity of a situation such as that no matter how many people tell it. People somehow or other psychologically survive many traumas simply by forgetting them, refusing to face them, and by burying them under. I am thinking specifically now of the tragedy of 9/11 whereby I am certain many people cannot every faithfully recall everything that happened that day, especially the closer that they were to it.

So it is with Alexander on this day of his having to announce to his troops that he is going to have to take them back from whence they came rather than forge further into the great unknown to face whatever may lie ahead.

Historians can write of it, but few seem to realize the real seriousness and deadliness of this final act of resignation to the will of others.

Nobody can be certain if Alexander just spoke off the top of his head in his address or whether he lay in his tent, thinking and arguing his case to himself, trying to find a way to express himself to his followers.

It would appear since he does use the history of his father, and of his own leadership, that he probably gave it some thought and consideration. Surely, he did not think in terms of his father on a daily basis while making decisions. So it is very likely that he sat in his tent, writing his own presentation, thinking it through, and making it as forceful and unforgettable as he could. He wanted to make his soldiers aware of all that they had accomplished, how, and why, and how far that they had come.

Yet he also wanted them to bear the responsibility for the end of his dream, his cause, his very reason for living. In essence, he wanted them to know that they are who is responsible for the finality of this long journey as he is an unwilling participant.

I have just read what is called the Pledge of Alexander which is dated 324 BC, one year before his death. It is found in a city called Kos, Greece, which is the home of Hippocrates.

I am trying to figure a way to place it here at this blog and when I do, I will post it here.

It is the end of the war. The pledge is a plaque written in English so I am somewhat wondering at the translation. But he addresses it to the mortals who will live by it. In a short summation, he unites Greeks and Barbarians alike, and calls all foreigners Greek, that all are equal with one another in this commonwealth. The plaque uses the phrase "my side" which seems to separate him from the others in this state of equality for all participants. He unites those of dark skin with light skin making each equal in one family, and refers to God as a father and that all are as brothers with one another, regardless of race is what it sounds like.

Then he separates himself from his audience by saying and from my side...which I found a bit intriguing to say the least since I had just posted that on this blog myself a few chapters back.

So what I am saying is that like with the days of our lives, each blog chapter becomes forgotten as another follows it, and as with all memories that can be reawakened, I had forgotten about the time I had relived the speech that Alexander had given to his troops when he finally emerged from his long hiatus in his tent.

They cheered him, but the truth is that his speech was not one of encouragement, but one of discipline and disgust, reminding them of where they had come from, how far they had come, and why. He was not pleased, he was angry, and at one point, he even berated them. As I recall, he throttled a man who had spoken out.

While I am recalling all this, I am remembering the way that Oliver Stone portrayed this scene in his movie, which frankly is so off the mark as to be unreal. It did not happen in the manner that he wishes his audience to think. Oliver truly never did fathom the depth of this moment, the hopes and wishes of the troops, and the emotional death knell that it had been for Alexander.

Alexander has been devastated and only his soothsayer was able to work his mind and his emotions to really realize that perhaps he had come to the end of his dream, his purpose in living, and that he must turn back, victorious only in having achieved a march that would be concluded with a greater challenge.

Alexander's end came due to natural causes: nature itself. Had he lived in the region long enough to understand the monsoons he would have planned accordingly and saved himself and his troops the arduous tasks that they faced. But because of ignorance he was truly defeated by mother nature. No matter what anyone says, experience is the only teacher for natural forces. Without that experience, one cannot know what to expect.

The important thing to remember is that he did finally accept defeat, not graciously, but he did accept it, and turned to go back to resettle the places that he had already conquered. He did it by taking on the greatest barrier of all, and that was to cross the harsh cruel Geodrosian desert. Some historians believe he took the worst path to punish his men. I do not believe that that is the reason he did it. He did it to prove that he alone of all men could and would conquer that desert too, as only a few had ever persevered to survive it.

I admit that a flood in the time of this debacle always reminds me of Washington in his early career when he too faced a flood that wiped him and his troops away as well.

It is quite odd at how great men seem to face natural forces, become ruined by them, but manage somehow to pick themselves up, carry on, and achieve great success later.

At any rate, despite all his preparations and planning, Alexander once again had the forces of nature destroy much of his provisions, probably all of his records, and was reduced to a sorry state of affairs that led the men to feed on the pack animals, and devour them to survive. He lost most of his entourage to the harshness of the desert, but he did finally survive it with a few stragglers who stayed with him. It is said that they cursed him as he trudged on through the harsh desert.

I have had psychic memories of that many times since I opened this chapter to Alexander as I hear voices saying "you let us die".

So you see, as I think about this now, so many years after I first learned of it, some of those voices have died away as well. Only tonight did I recall the sorrow and the desperation of resignation as Alexander had endured it then. Each day covers the previous day, and we forget, so we go on as though nothing had happened.

Until a memory is reawakened...then we recall it as it happened then.

And off the subject, but tonight I saw a cloud in the sky that did actually make me think of Jesus. I wondered later because I put the picture on facebook as to why there are never clouds that make me think of Alexander.

But Jesus promised that he would come in a cloud. I saw a lookalike floating overhead...It was beautiful...Jesus gave us inner peace...Alexander gave us courage and adventure. Both are sons of God. Both are worthwhile.