Roxanne's Jealousy

I had had this extremely sensual vision of Alexander two days ago which really set me thinking and wondering...I debate myself all the time, but I finally realized why it is that Roxanne had killed Alexander's fourth wife, Stateira in a rage.

Actually, this will help to develop a novel if I decide to do it.


But I was just so amazed, as at first I was a bit rejecting the vision, but after I got over the initital surprise of it, and relaxed into it, I began to realize who it is that I am seeing. It took me a while to realize that it had been Alexander's glorious chest who I had first seen, as I was naturlly a bit protective about it until I put it all together.

Then I realized also that while we take ourselves so for granted, never really thinking much about ourselves, it made me know that Roxanne had probably a very good reason to be so jealous of her husband. Little is ever known about the marriage between the two as most likely records were lost, jealousy was evident amongst the soldiers who had wanted Alexander to marry a Macedonian instead of some foreign princess, a Sogdian, yet to boot, and so little is ever really known except for a few anecdotes.



I am convinced that Alexander was a man who tried to control his passions, but who did fall violently in love with Roxanne, and between the two of them, there was a match that few knew really existed as such. I am inclined to believe that he thought that probably Roxanne was the Briseis of Achilles fame. I have been in the past when Alexander married Roxanne and I know very well that he was in love with her as she is a darling if there ever was one...I had not known what a real hunk he had been to be honest until this past few days...I have seen marble statues and busts, but they don't really ever convey much except what an artist wants to promote about his own work as well as that of the subject. So while there are a few that I truly admire, I had not been that aware of his real physical presence in the full body picture that I finally came to realize this past week.

I did see his full body, reclining in a frontal position, and am awestruck at how truly gorgeous this man had been. It saddened me a bit to think that I had overlooked that aspect of his being until now, for frankly, I am always in his person, reliving his work that all I think of is his mental state and his emotional feelings...only the time when he was in the hospital tent on that gurney did I ever really get a good long look at his partially clothed body then.

I would be immensely jealous of him too if he had been my husband, and I had been Roxanne. I fully empathize with her now enough to the point that if I make a sketch of him I will not feel like sharing it. Not because I think that it would evoke jealousy, but rather that it would show my deep interest in his physical body now.

I saw his chest first, and his pecs are amazing. He is one real hunk as we call it, and I do not know of anyone alive who I can think right now that even comes close to him physically in coloring and muscular development. The golden silken hair on his chest and down his body caught my attention first. He emanated a warmth of feeling that is quite unusal in him, but only after I let myself indulge in taking him in.

But personality is always the trait that makes me like someone or not. When one is immersed in the past as I have been so much, personality also disappears. It is a solitary experience in which the only impression is that which I perceive at that moment in that person. I don't sense what we call personality in me at all then. In Alexander I am either always giving orders, telling people what to do, or leading in a battle, looking about me, or walking through hallways, checking out reliefs on the walls, or climbing up a mountain, and lordy, how many mountains I have climbed while in Alexander, it is just always plainly hardwork, a lot of effort, and all business, but the few times that I had been at a party, with Roxanne, or celebrating some gala...none which really divulge personality to me except at that medical tent where I could see exuberance, enthusiasm, and vitality and optimism. So to see Alexander this time in this manner came as a shock to me, as I realized that he has a sensual side that did wake me up to the cause of jealousy and rage that is exhibited in others around him.

Do I think that I should share this with the world? Only that for me it came as a shock to realize that the truth is that men are born for a certain generation to do a certain kind of job that will enable them to finally be recognized worldwide as a leader of men. Alexander is given every gift that the gods can bestow upon a single person. I am certain that he suffered many problems from those whose jealousy and envy of him probably brought him inordinate difficulties.

It has wakened me up, as I had taken his appearance for granted, not ever really thinking that much about it. But now that I have confronted it, I realize how important it is to understand the kind of following that he had. Nobody but nobody could not have recognized it as such...and he had only one choice, and that was to be the person that his mother and father had determined him to become, the King of Macedon and all the world.

I now understand Olmpias more than ever. I had never really thought that much about her view of him either until now. I have always seen his son as an adorable child, as he is the spitting image of his father. But children are always seen and accepted as beautiful simply because of their innocence and youthfulness. However, when a man who looks like Alexander is the son of a woman who is ambitious, there is no doubt that she would do anything for him which she indeed did do.

And likewise, I can understand Philip who is dark and swarthy with thick black curly hair, and he must wonder at this golden haired beautiful young man who is his son...why is it that he takes after his mother's side? How can this son be such an Adonis type? Jealousy had to nibble at Philip's heart many times, but inordinate pride also filled his soul as he watched his son grow into manhood.

Today, we are all trained to accept movie stars, models, athletes, and other gorgeous creatures today because of the visual media. In that day and age, there was no such thing as television, movies, instant news, but only rumor, busts, coins, and statues, and none of those were seen as credibly made. Beauty is commonplace in the entertainment world so that often we overlook it. Since too often conceit and arrogance accompany those whose features are near perfect, so beautiful to see, that we ignore them at best.

What is most peculiar is that it is Hephaestion who is said to have been the more handsome of the two men, but as I have seen Hephaestion in his physical appearance many times I would only say that friendship and love always makes one beautiful. As the saying goes, beauty is in the eyes of the beholder, and love has a beauty of its own. Hephaestion is beautiful to my eye, but then I am seeing him through the eyes of Alexander who is his best friend. Yes, Hephaestion is exceedingly beautiful.