summing up a bit

I have my days and nights reversed right now due to the fact that it is simply too hot to stir outside daytime. It is cooler at night and I do not like the a.c. running constantly so I shut it off for a few hours.

Well, I realize that I will probably edit and re-edit these pages as I think about them. I wanted to bring this together in a way to where I could better understand it myself, and at the same time, share it with the few friends with whom I have discussed this already.

It bothers many people to think that as a woman today I am remembering lifetimes in the male person. Believe me, I have already read enough about Other people's beliefs in reincarnation to know that this is not unusual or abnormal at all. People appear to change sexes often if one can believe anything that pro believers of reincarnation say.

I am a natural skeptic. I do not believe everything that is said and sold on the face of the earth, as I have learned to protect myself from being considered a gullible fool. I will admit that if anyone would ever have told me any of this I would never have believed it.

I am an unmarried woman. I have had love affairs in my youth, but fortunately, for me the men with whom I was so infatuated did not really want to marry at that time, despite some saying that they did, they truly did not, and as a result I am single and believe it or not, very happy about that state of solitude.

I grew up in an age where marriage was the single target for most women, but our local newspapers had already let us know the statistics of men to women and that meant that some women would go unwed rather than wed. I became one of those women.

The truth is that I am a strong-willed woman with a mind of her own, and I always stood up to men in my life rather than always submitting to their will, and that alone is probably the main reason that I did not marry.

I usually have to have my own way. Unless I could find someone who is truly compatible with me, there is no use of thinking of such things as partnerships and alliances when we are in discord. I do not want to think of marriage as a battle zone despite the fact that is what it becomes many times.

Because I was intelligent, had a degree, and had opinions of my own, I frightened many men away from me. I was a bit like a Granny Goose cartoon in southern California which read Are You Man Enough for Me?

I did float from one man to another pretty easily, and at some times in my life, I was actually in love, and willing to probably tie the knot, but the gentleman in question always had some hangup that was not easy to overcome...most had been married already and did not want to rush back into it, despite saying that I am the kind men want to marry. The real reason for that is that I am too easy going at times, and possibly led some to believe that I would be a pushover in a wedded state.

I escaped the altar three times to be specific. I called them my 3 r's as they were all in Arizona and all had names that began with R. I had a couple of fellas in California who also said that they wanted to marry me, but it just didn't happen...and golly gee whiz! I lucked out again.

So essentially, I have always been looking for that right man...sad to say, it turned out that he may be me after all...as the kids at Center had said about me, how can she marry herself? Won't elaborate at this point but the topic of my getting married never ceased to trouble my students.

Learning that I had been a man in the past, if reincarnation is the case in this mystery of my having lived these lives, I wondered who on earth would even consider me at this time in my life, and why? It is not like I can keep my mouth shut about this experience for it has naturally perplexed and bothered me for this many years.

We all want definite answers. The only thing I know that is definite and is sure is that I experienced these to remember them and to record them...Now I am trying to solve the mystery of them so as to satisfy my need to know.

In a dream like state recently, the Genghis Khan part of me said that I would not be able to recall anything about his life as long as Khan is within me. I have been thinking about that, trying to understand that as well.

My theories are many, but one is that like the Russian Santa Claus wooden figures where one Santa is buried inside another, and one unwraps that to find another Santa, and then another, and another, til you reach the end. Somehow that is what these lifetimes seem to me, one warrior within another warrior to another and another and another...

Which brings me to Jesus. The peaceful healer and counselor rather than the warrior. Believe it or not, some of his following did want him to do battle, but he said no, that to turn the other cheek, to use other methods than striking back is the correct way to bring change into the world.

As I understand the power of Jesus and His message, I will not dwell on that. One person within the Louis XIV discussion group could not believe that Louis XIV had been Genghis Khan since Genghis had not been Christian and that Louis XIV is the most Christian king. I am well aware of that as that is the one lesson that stands out most to me. I have come to believe that we are all a product of our environment and what lessons we learn from it.

Faith is a part of family, and most children do as their parents, regarding the rule of the Ten Commandments. Honor they father and thy mother. Most keep the faith of their fathers and mothers in their own lives, and most keep whatever habits that parents instill into them. Unless they are rebel children, and I won't discuss that either at this point.

Since I have shared the fact that intimate relationships did occur in the memory aspect of my reliving yesterday I believe that only the person who lived that can recall it or that entity which we call God.

I do not know which will be more difficult for people to believe, that I had been any one of these persons, or that I am God.

I will let whoever may read this dwell on that for awhile and will pick this up later...